#833. Kimbo Slice Losing

The world we live is an interesting place. An alien visiting earth on a scouting mission to identify signs of intelligent life would be amused to learn that Black people are only 13 percent of the United State population.

If this inquisitive alien were to do reconnaissance prior to his visiting earth, and had a chance to view television broadcasts from America, the alien would instantaneously believe that Black people ruled the nation.

ESPN broadcasts continual footage of children's games - played by adults - and these athletes are worshiped by both children and adults alike. Every channel in the United States dedicates large blocks of time to Black people, a small percentage of the population that must be continually placated, a reality our alien friend isn't aware of.

This intrepid alien would see entertainers and other Black people engaging in strange, antithetical behavior. On one hand, fawning of Black people is found on most channels, yet strange Local Nightly Newscasts from every city - small, medium or large markets - paint a much different picture of Black people (a painting disingenuous white liberals casually dismiss as an aberration).

Our alien friend, trying to decide if these inhabitants on earth were a peaceful people bequeathed with intelligence or a brutish species capable of upsetting the cosmic balance, would inevitably stumble upon MMA (Mixed Martial Arts), and would deem this an interesting barometer of human potential .

Black people as we know, love sports.

Were it not for sports, positive images of Black people would be hard to find for it was sports that desegregated America and allowed Black people to be welcomed into life in America.

Before baseball was desegregated, a sport existed that allowed Black people access to International popularity. That sport, boxing, established Black people as sports stars and ushered in a new era for Black people:

"(Jack) Johnson (First Black Heavyweight champion) spent the first half of his life trying to break the color line in professional boxing, literally chasing titleholder Tommy Burns across the world until Burns’ handlers gave him a bout in Australia. He humiliated Burns, then destroyed undefeated former champ Jim Jeffries when Big Jeff came out of retirement.

Johnson spent the second half of his life evading the law and the hatred of white America, which found him the most intolerable black man of the early 20th century. He was flashy, assertive, handsome, rich, able to claim physical superiority to every white man in his weight class.

When he beat Burns, officials flooded the ring to prevent the white man from being knocked unconscious. (Then the government suppressed the fight films, to prevent blacks from seeing one of their own whip a white.) Race riots followed his triumph, as enraged Caucasians and jubilant African Americans clashed in cities."

Johnson, a skilled pugilist, ushered in a new era of equality in boxing at a time when boxing was largely as popular as the NFL is today. People forget that pugilism was once followed with the intensity that fans follow the NFL today.

Nowadays, boxing is barely above the Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA) in terms of popularity and exposure, yet white people find themselves holding a majority of the titles, much like Pre-Jack Johnson boxing.

Floyd Mayweather, one of the top boxers in the world, is incredulous as to the notion that white people can box, thus the need to create a brand new sport:

"It takes true skills to be in the sport of boxing, and mixed martial arts is for beer-drinkers. Boxing is for everybody. I mean, you can't take my shoes off and take my shirt off and just throw me in a cage. You do that with animals, you don't do that with humans...In boxing, we know who's dominating. Black fighters and Hispanic fighters is dominating in this sport. And this is not a racial statement but [Ed. note: Here comes the racial statement] there's no white fighters in boxing that's dominating, so they had to go to something else and start something new."

Since white people can't be good at sports - everyone knows that Black people run faster and jump higher - Mayweather postulates a new sport had to be created where they could excel (WWE/WWF doesn't count).

Thus, the need for a new sport to supplant swimming as the ultimate white sport, thus the genesis of a new sport where white people could dominate:

"Boxing promoter Bob Arum has launched a blistering attack on the UFC...He said: "I look at the UFC audience and boxing audience as entirely different."Boxing's audience is largely ethnic and includes the hardcore fans who, like me, can't watch UFC.

"UFC's a bunch of skinhead white guys watching a bunch of people in the ring who also look like skinhead white guys.

"Ninety per cent of the MMA audience have tattoos — and I don't care because that's up to them."But they aren't people who will have any interest in boxing. The only guy they might want to see is Kelly Pavlik."

Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) is that sport for white people. The best compete in the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC):

"(MMA) is a full contact combat sport that allows a wide variety of fighting techniques, from a mixture of martial arts traditions and non-traditions, to be used in competitions. The rules allow the use of striking and grappling techniques, both while standing and on the ground. Such competitions allow martial artists of different backgrounds to compete."

MMA is a faster growing sport than NASCAR, and Black people, like Floyd Mayweather laugh at the fictional paucity of white prize-fighters in boxing and scoff at the growing popularity of MMA as a sport for "skinheads".

Thus, the need for a "Great Black Hope" in MMA, as Black people may scoff at the sport, but they want in on the prize money. That hope was placed in online fighting sensation Kimbo Slice:

"Kevin Ferguson (born February 8, 1974), better known as Kimbo Slice, is a Bahamian-American mixed-martial arts fighter. He is best known for several street fights which have spread primarily on the internet, leading Rolling Stone to call him "The King of the Web Brawlers".

This street-wise tough guy is a favorite of MMA fans due to his style of fighting that can only be described as furiously indefinable:

"Frank Mir was also critical of Slice, stating in an interview that "every time Kimbo Slice fights, it sets (mixed martial arts) back"

Slice rose to fame beating up fellow Black people in the streets, as videos of these events went viral, and helped him garner a huge following. He would soon sign with the EliteXC and was positioned as one of their top fighters. Slice would face a white person in a prime time fight and find the battle quite difficult:

"On October 4, 2008, a Kimbo Slice vs. Ken Shamrock fight was supposed to take place at the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, Florida as part of CBS' Saturday Night Fights. However, Shamrock received a cut to the left eye during a warm-up only hours before the fight was to take place.

This left the head of fight operations, Jeremy Lappen, to choose a replacement for the fight. Options were Seth Petruzelli, Aaron Rosa and Frank Shamrock. Lappen decided that Petruzelli was the best option for the main event. Slice agreed to take the fight after receiving a raise in pay, and took in $500,000. Petruzelli defeated Slice by TKO 14 seconds into the first round of the bout.

Interviewed on the popular radio show The Monsters In The Morning two days after the fight, Seth Petruzelli said that when they offered him a spot in the main event, EliteXC promoters added monetary incentives to dissuade him from using certain fighting techniques against Slice, in an attempt to protect their relatively unproven Internet star.

“	The promoters kinda hinted to me and they gave me the money to stand and throw with him, they didn't want me to take him down. Let's just put it that way. It was worth my while to try and stand up punch him.

After the loss to this perfidious white person, Slice found his demand increase as the UFC came calling and cast him on its Spike TV show, where he would face yet another white person in combat:

"Slice's impressive Wednesday night loss on Spike TV's "The Ultimate Fighter" to Roy "Big Country" Nelson might not have been his final fighting appearance on the show."

Only can a Black person be impressive in a fight he lost to a vastly more talented fighter, and yet the fawning media can bestow the cry of victory toward Slice.

Worse for Slice, the white guy who beat resembles your everyday Wal-Mart shopper as Nelson's physique carries one to many six-packs:

"On Wednesday's mucho-anticipated show featuring Kimbo Slice vs. Roy Nelson, TUF delivered in every aspect, building to a somewhat disappointing crescendo as Nelson wanted no part of Slice's punching and used takedowns and a weight-inflicted crucifix to earn a 2nd round T/KO win.

There was definitely plenty of Sliceisms throughout (the eneME/inner me monologue was quite something), but the production crew did a fantastic job at hitting all of the small things that compile the Slice persona: the bald head, the beard, the drive.

As for Nelson, he was essentially a prop; a giant white trucker looking dude that is so independent he books his own fights, gets his own sponsors and overall does things his way. Normally, he's the type of guy that Middle America roots for. Not tonight."

Stuff Black People Don't Like includes Kimbo Slice losing, for a sport on the rise as MMA currently is obviously needs a great Black fighter to legitimize it and Slice was that Great Black Hope. His star is setting though, due to white people routinely beating him, one in 15 seconds. Slice is the type of guy that causes people to lock their doors, and yet the prospect of him consistently being defeated by inferior white athletes is cause for major concern in the Black community.

Of course, our imaginary alien scout left earth with the realization that intelligent is not be found on the 3rd rock from the sun.