#120. Martin Luther King Jr. Streets, Avenues and Lanes

“A Nightmare on Elm Street” has long thrilled audiences with its campy terror, disfigured gruesome villain and tawdry sexual innuendo. One of the most successful horror franchise, “Elm Street” has been the avenue that has led to ghastly nightmares for those who seen the films.

Black people love horror films, for they are frequently cast in minor roles that grant them the opportunity to show off their thespian skills by having the ignoble task of being the first character killed.

It is a well known fact that a Black person must be killed off first in a horror film, or else it cannot be classified in that particular film genre:

“Being a black person in a horror movie isn't easy. You're rarely the hero, hardly ever the villain, and more often than not you end up dead.”

“Elm Street” might be the origin of thousands of nightmares for people across the country, but this fictitious street is incapable of invoking the palpable fear that appears when people approach a real street that’s ubiquity across the nation rivals Starbuck’s.

Martin Luther King, the man behind the MLK Brand, eponymously adorns hundreds of streets, avenues and lanes across the United States:

“Streets named after Martin Luther King, Jr. can be found in many cities of the United States and in nearly every major metropolis in America. There are also a number of other countries that have honored King, including no fewer than ten cities in Italy. The number of streets named after King is increasing every year, and about 70% of these streets are in Southern states: Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, and Texas. King's home state of Georgia had the most, with 75 streets as of 2001;^[1] this had increased to 105 as of 2006.^[2]

As of 2003, there were over 600 American cities that had named a street after King.^[1] By 2004, this number had grown to 650, according to the NPR.^[3] In 2006, Derek Alderman, a cultural geographer at East Carolina University, reported the number had increased to 730, with only 11 states in the country without a street named after King.^[2]”

Black people find these streets so desirable an address that they frequently have addresses that reflect their admiration for the MLK Brand, as the Martin Luther King streets have an overwhelming Blackness to them:

Black comedian Chris Rock tells a joke that goes something like this: When a white friend told Chris Rock that he was on a street called Martin Luther King and asked what he should do, Chris Rock answered, "Run!" At another time and on a more serious note, Rock said: "I don't care where you live in America, if you're on Martin Luther King Boulevard, there's some violence going on."

He is right...

The black part of town that King Street passes through here in St. Petersburg, where I live and work, is a corridor of broad dilapidation, abandoned structures, vacant lots with junked vehicles and trash and debris, black-on-black violence, drug trafficking, public drinking, rudeness, indolence. Even worse, perhaps, most of the viable businesses on this stretch of MLK are owned by people other than blacks -- a testament to black powerlessness.

For many black communities, the streets named for King are their main streets. In some places, such as St. Petersburg, many white people use King street to travel to and from their homes each day, to and from work each day, to take their kids to and from school each day.

And what do these white people see?

In some parts of St. Petersburg, a wasteland.

Out of fear, they stop only when traffic lights or wrecks or other roadblocks stop them. Why else would they stop? For the same reason as whites -- fear -- many blacks also avoid the King streets in their cities.”

The businesses that are owned by individuals along MLK Drives, MLK BLVDs and MLK Avenues lack Black ownership for reasons that have nothing to do with Black powerlessness, but everything to do with saving money for the future (Black people know true Black feebleness is to be found in Haiti).

Take for instance this story from that Blackest of cities, Baltimore, where a Martin Luther King Parade near Martin Luther King Boulevard ended in a fitting tragedy that Shakespeare would have found difficult to properly write:

“A 19-year-old man was fatally shot in the face and two men were arrested on drug charges after fleeing police in separate incidents that occurred near the route for Monday's Martin Luther King Jr. Day parade, according to Baltimore police.

About 2:30 p.m., after the parade had finished but with roads still shut down, an off-duty officer near the 600 block of W. Hoffman St. said he heard gunshots. Officers found a man inside an apartment in the 1000 block of Pennsylvania Ave., about two blocks from Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, suffering from multiple gunshot wounds to his face and chest.”

This sad demise of yet another Black person(happened yesterday) along the aptly named Martin Luther King Boulevard has been repeated so many times in different states, that the death toll rivals “Elm Street’s” combined body count.

Yet the immutable bond that holds the tragedies together can be traced to the MLK Brand, for these streets are to found in areas where Blackness is a foregone conclusion, and whiteness is but the state of the faces of those who drive past these streets fearing for their safety.

In some places, renaming streets for the MLK Brand is so important that millions must be spent, while crime rages on unimpeded in the process.

Black people can even procure a book that chronicles white people braving the plethora of MLK streets across the nation:

“Jonathan Tilove, the Newhouse news service journalist whose coverage of race and immigration many consider the best and fairest in Big Media, has teamed up with photographer Michael Falco to create a small coffee-table book called Along Martin Luther King: Travels on Black America's Main Street. The two (white) men visited a sizable fraction of the 650 streets named after Dr. King—and returned with a valuable impressionistic portrait of the blackest streets in black America.

A dozen years ago, during the worst of the decade-long murder spree kicked off by the introduction of crack cocaine in the mid-1980s, undertaking this project would have been slightly nuts for a man like Tilove who has a wife and kids.”

It would be an enterprising endeavor if a camera-crew and an engaging interviewer would venture across the nation and produce a mini-series about the MLK streets that Google Maps can only show us:

“In 2002, on King’s birthday (and a few days before King’s national holiday), a teenager shot and wounded two students at – of all places – Martin Luther King Jr. High School in Manhattan. In 2004, in broad daylight, a hail of bullets left both dead and wounded victims on 125th Street (renamed Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard) and Madison Avenue in Harlem.

“His streets are only in ghettos,” said Tisa McNeil, a hairstylist at the Harlem Berry Beauty Lounge, located on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard in Harlem. “It’s a racial thing. It all boils down to racism.”

There is no way to win this argument with Black people. It is racist if you name a street for the MLK Brand, and it is even worse if you fail to name a street for him.

Thankfully, some Disingenuous White Liberals are working hard to overcome the stereotype that even Chris Rock fell for regarding MLK streets, by gentrifying the houses along Martin Luther King Way in Seattle and pricing out the Blackness by making mortgages inaccessible to Black people’s pocket books:

“Fifteen years ago, when the time came for Seattle to honor the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., Karen Yoshihara had doubts about the chosen road: a no-nonsense eight-mile stretch that offered a straight shot through impoverished neighborhoods, a fading business district and a warehouse-lined industrial area.

Unlike the merchants who complained about the cost of changing their addresses, Yoshihara had another objection: She thought the road wasn't good enough for the man being honored.

"At the time I thought there might have been a more appropriate stretch of road," said Yoshihara, 55, who has lived near King Way since 1972. "It's not exactly the most beautiful street. It just didn't seem a fitting memorial."

Today, Yoshihara says she was wrong.

Over the years, as she has seen the street transformed, she has had a change of heart.

"Maybe Dr. King would have been proud," said Yoshihara while stopping at a doughnut shop near the Martin Luther King Jr. Market, where she works as a checker. "Now, I can't imagine it being called anything but Martin Luther King Way."

Named after a man whose primary legacy was his vision for a better future, the street itself seemed for years to have no future. Its houses were dilapidated, businesses were closing, and fear of crime - real and perceived - kept many people away…

George Noble, owner of Green Stone Properties, a real-estate agency based on King Way, said that when he started his business in 1984, the area was roughly 70 percent black, 20 percent white and 10 percent Asian. Now Asians make up about 30 to 40 percent of property owners, and blacks just 50 percent.

"I don't sell that many properties on this street to African Americans now," said Noble, who is black. "Most of my clients are Asians."

As Martin Luther King Jr. Way has been revitalized, so have property values. Many African Americans are leaving, moving to southern suburbs like Renton or Kent, where they can buy bigger houses for less money, Noble said.”

The Seattle Times – a major DWL paper – did an incredible of chronicling MLK Brand streets, and we at SBPDL encourage you to read all these stories of hope.

Stuff Black People Don’t Like will include Martin Luther King Jr. Streets, Avenues and Lanes, for these thoroughfares offer an insight into the state of Black America that might open more white eyes than the events unfolding in Haiti.

Not even Freddie Krueger offers as many frights as a drive down MLK Lane. Just be sure to lock your doors.

#222. Silenced Whistle Tips

Black people love to make noise. As we have seen with rappers and sports stars, Black people have a constant need of attention that rivals a two-year-old.

Nowhere are Black people more notorious for trying to attract attention then by their vehicles. It is said that a car defines a man, and if this is so, Black people must be defined as perpetually stuck in the infamous The Simpson's episode where Homer meets his brother, a president of a prominent car manufacture (The episode is Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?). Homer designs a vehicle so ridiculous and tricked out that it bankrupts his brothers firm. Dubbed "The Homer," Black people found the car amazing and decided to incorporate into their imaginative designs.

Black people have taken a nod from this episode and attempted to out Homer, Homer Simpson in designing the most unimaginably horrifying vehicles that patrol motorways across the nation.

One of the main accessories Black people enjoy putting on their cars - besides rims - is the whistle tip, an item that:

"Whistle tips, also referred to as whistler tips, or whistlers, are modified vehicle exhaust pipes that generate a deafening whistling sound during the operation of a motor vehicle, and they can often be heard up to even a mile away.

The whistle tip is a small metal plate with a central hole that is welded into the inner tip of the exhaust pipe. As exhaust gasses are forced through the exhaust system under pressure, they pass through the hole, generating a whistling sound. This fad began within the Oakland Afro-American community..."

Black people, as we know, love attention. Nothing says attention like a whistle tip creating a deafening noise that would give the alien ships from War of the Worlds a run for the their money.

The noise so infuriated people that the decision was made to silence Black people's imaginative invention once and for all:

"As their sole purpose is to create very loud noises that often disturb the peace, whistle tips have received negative publicity, especially among the residents of certain locations where they are prevalent. In 2002, San Leandro, California redrafted its noise ordinance to ban the devices and the Oakland Police Department began cracking down on them by interpreting state laws as including tinkering with mufflers.

"The Berkeley City Council supported a measure by Assemblywoman Wilma Chan (D-Alameda) introduced a bill into the California State Assembly in 2003 which would effectively ban whistle tips in California. The bill was passed 22-15 by the state senate and then signed into law by Governor Gray Davis, going into effect on January 1, 2004. While violators will be subject to fines of $250 and businesses that install them can be fined up to $1,000, surcharges and enforcement fees will bring it up to $850 and $3,400."

Stuff Black People Don't Like includes silenced whistle tips, one of the most powerful inventions in Black people's canon of inventions, that has now been silenced by the envious white power structure.

Thankfully, Black people still have out-Homered Homer Simpson in hideous cars, but they have lost whistle tips and will be forced to invent another noise maker to make up for this inexcusable loss.

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#287. People Locking Their Car Doors When They Approach

Black people know that white people look on them with suspicious eyes. Black people know that when they enter a store, the employees and owner cast numerous glances in their direction, in fear they might abscond with something since Black peoples favorite percentage off is 100 %.

Each day, Black people are faced with cautious indifference at shopping malls, grocery stores and other venues that do business, largely due to the perceived rate of crime that Black people commit. This ingrained attitude and prejudicial thoughts among white people have left them vulnerable to one of the most debilitating acts that can be done in front of a Black person: locking the car door when they approach.

Whenever a peddler, vagrant, vagabond or window washer approaches an idle car of white people at a stop light or stop sign, the first move that is made is to ensure that they are properly ensconced in said vehicle by checking the locks.

Black people who approach a car of white people will be rebuked seemingly effortless and with a "click" of the power locks, denied entry and access to those white people.

Black people hate this and many have wondered if it had been a Black actor in those early 1990s Grey Poupon commercials if they would have even had the chance to ask "Pardon me?"

Worse though, is that many Black people perform the exact same locking of the door when they see other Black people approach, for precautionary measures.

Black people do not enjoy having the car door locked on them when they approach an occupied vehicle and view this practice as demeaning, dehumanizing and superfluous. Yet this practice will continue and will be done by suburban and urban dwelling white people and Black people who feel unsafe when they see a Black person approaching their car.

#198. Waiting until 16th Birthday for Drivers License

Whereas most other racial groups can wait until at least their 15th birthday to acquire a learner's permit, and then, after a year of defensive driving courses and learning from their parents the rules of the road - and garnering an actual license - Black people are convinced the roads belong to them.

Learning about cars and the excitement they bring from hours of watching television and playing video games, Black people - like seven-year-old Latarian Milton in the video below - cannot wait to get behind the wheel of an actual car. Denying the intensity that Black people get when driving a precision vehicle - like young Mr. Milton - is one joy that they cannot deny.

When one views the tenacity and zeal Black people have for driving, it can be quite befuddling to learn that not one Black person is currently driving in the NASCAR Sprint Series.

Black people's longing to get behind the wheel of an automobile is puzzling, since historical documents and records prove that their ancestors in Africa are one of the only people on earth to not utilize the invention of the wheel.