The Fifth Day of Christmas at SBPDL- Not Getting Air Jordan XI

Have you seen the Christmas classic, Jingle All the Way? The film is all about finding that perfect toy for Christmas and yet, when the nefarious God of supply and demand steps in to annihilate those seemingly wonderful plans before they come to fruition, hilarity ensues:

"Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a workaholic mattress salesman, who has a hard time finding time for his wife, Liz (Rita Wilson) and his young son, Jamie (Jake Lloyd) - especially when compared to next door superdad divorce, Ted Maltin (Phil Hartman). After breaking his word again by missing Jamie's karate grading (from yellow to purple), Howard resolves to redeem himself and his marriage by fulfilling Jamie's ultimate Christmas wish, an action figure of Turbo-Man, a popular children's TV superhero.

Unfortunately, as is the habit with him, Howard had promised to buy that figure earlier that year and then promptly forgotten about it. To make things even harder, Turbo-Man toys are the must-have gifts of the season, and stocks of Turbo-Man toys are quickly drying up all over the country. Desperate not to disappoint his family again, Howard embarks on an epic quest through Minneapolis on Christmas Eve to find the toy everyone's looking for."

This year, Black people across the nation found themselves in the unfortunate situation that Arnold's fictitious character was presented with, as the Turbo Man doll was substituted for the real-life dilemma of locating precious Air Jordan XI:

"The new Space Jam Air Jordans went on sale today, with local stores reporting crowds of people trying to snatch up the retro shoes in time for Christmas.

"A handful of Foot Action and Foot Locker stores said customers filled their stores at 7 a.m.to buy the Air Jordan 11 (Air Jordan XI) Retro shoe. An hour later, the buyers -- and the shoes -- were gone.

The shoe is selling for $175.

An employee at the Foot Locker store on Campbellton Road that was burglarized early Tuesday said the thieves did not get any of his store's supply of Space Jam Jordans.

He said the store was jammed this morning with customers buying the new Jordans.

The line stretched down Decatur Street when Walter's opened at 8:30 a.m.

Store owner Jeff Steinbook, who counts numerous professional athletes among his customers, said he sold 44 pairs of the new shoes within minutes. He only had a handful of larger sizes left an hour later."

We already have learned that Black people don't like to brave the end of the line, and the chance to put a pair of Michael Jordan sneakers (retail price around $175.00) were yet another shining example of SBPDL:

"SACRAMENTO, CA -- The riot inside Arden Fair Mall caused quite a stir among those looking to purchase the new Nike Air Jordan's.

Surveillance video from just after midnight Wednesday caught footage of the fight that broke out in the line of fans waiting for the new basketball shoes.

There were no arrests and the crowd eventually dispersed.

Many of those unable to purchase the shoes at Arden Fair regrouped outside the Westfield Downtown Plaza on K Street."

Houston, Texas was home to similar scenes of euphoric Black people diligently scrambling to locate Air Jordan's, in scenes eerily reminiscent of Arnold Schwarzenegger's character from Jingle All the Way.

As the hottest foot ornament on the market, the Air Jordan XI also have the notoriety of being one of the only sneakers in history that required the SWAT Team to come and disband the unruly mob attempting to procure said shoe.

Christmas wouldn't be complete without a hot new toy for the masses to swoon over, and Black people love nothing more than wearing retro basketball shoes. However, Stuff Black People Don't Like includes not getting Air Jordan XI for Christmas, as not even Santa Clause himself would brave the lines at Foot Locker's throughout the nation to accommodate Black people's Christmas list, no matter how nice they might have been.

#301. Braving the End of the Line

Call it the Rosa Parks syndrome, but Black people hate to wait at the back of anything, be it a bus or a line.

With Black Friday approaching quickly, the fear of people being trampled to death as Black people fight for the merchandise marked down to 70-80 percent off its original price, is percolating throughout every department store and especially Wal-Mart.

Remember, it was last year that a poor Wal-Mart greeter was greeted with an untimely visit by the Grim-Reaper as Black people trampled him to death:

"A stampede of shoppers in a Valley Stream Wal-Mart on Friday morning left one worker dead and at least three patrons injured after an impatient crowd broke down the store doors and trampled the seasonal employee, Nassau police said.

Jdimytai Damour of Jamaica, Queens, was pushed to the ground by the 2,000-plus crowd just before 5 a.m. as management was preparing to open the store, which is located across from the main Green Acres Mall building. Hundreds stepped over, around and on the 34-year-old worker as they rushed into the store.

"This crowd was out of control," said Nassau Police Det. Lt. Michael Fleming, whose squad is investigating.

"Nobody was trying to help him," said shopper Nakea Augustine, who was in the line. "They were rushing in the store, rushing, rushing, rushing."

It makes you wonder who might be the ultimate PeopleofWalMart.com, for Black people fit one of the molds of Wal-Mart core demographic perfectly:

Wal-Mart has gone to great lengths to define and identify each category of shopper:

Price-Value - The poorest among us. Loyal to Wal-Mart, to a fault. Primarily young, rural, Baptist women. Uneducated beyond high-school. More worried and in poorer health than average. Watches Lifetime and ABC Family. Reads Better Homes & Gardens. Drives a used car which he/she still owes money on.

Brand Aspirational - His/Her image does not fit with the reality of his/her economic situation. Often a racial minority. Less technologically savvy than other demographics. Sports oriented, with a skew towards the NFL. Watches Fox Sports and reads automotive, athletic and fitness magazines.

Price-Sensitive Affluent - Highest income category. White, male, over age 45, highly educated. Very technologically savvy. Will compare products on the internet then purchase them for a better price in a retail store. Watches PBS and The History Channel. Reads National Geographic. Owns a completely paid for vehicle that is a newer model and was new when purchased."

So, what does waiting in line have to do with Black people you ask? Everything. Just look at the strange case of Heather Ellis and Wal-Mart:

"Nearly three years after Heather Ellis switched checkout lines at a southeast Missouri store and touched off what she calls a racially charged dispute with white customers and authorities, the young black schoolteacher faces a trial that could send her to prison for 15 years.

Witnesses have told authorities that Ellis cut in front of waiting customers at the Walmart in Kennett on Jan. 6, 2007, shoved merchandise already placed on a conveyor belt out of the way, and became belligerent when confronted, according to court filings.

Ellis maintains she was merely joining her cousin, whose checkout line was moving more quickly. She claimed in a written complaint to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People that she was then pushed by a white customer, hassled by store employees, called racial slurs and physically mistreated by Kennett police officers.

Police say in court documents that Ellis refused requests to calm down and leave the property, allegedly kicking one's shin and splitting another's lip while resisting arrest. Her trial on charges of assaulting police officers, resisting arrest and disturbing the peace begins Wednesday in Dunklin County Circuit Court. Syracuse, N.Y.-based Your Black World Coalition is organizing a Monday rally in Kennett.

A few choice quotes from the story:

"What a shame the system can destroy a young person's future like this because of bad cops," Ellis wrote to the NAACP in April.

Let's be honest: We live in a Black world now, so Ellis is obviously the good guy in this situation that only Wal-Mart could play host too, for centuries from now, historians will excavate these stores around the remains of the United States of America and postulate that these mega-buildings were holy ground for 21st century boobs.

Since Wal-Mart does have 8,000 stores worldwide, these future historians will speculate as to the religious meanings of these massive structures and the cult that was worshiped in the many doors were the elderly once greeted every customer with a happy smile.

In the new America, Black people shouldn't have to wait in the back of the line for anything, let alone a minor purchase of goods at Wal-Mart.

Interestingly, two videos showcase what happens to people when they dare maintain that order and civility be maintained and that importance of lines be established and accepted to ensure that civilization be perpetuated.

For without lines, man is but an animal, rushing into the wilderness of life - leaving order behind - and descending into an endless sea of chaos where the line for waiting is but remembrance of things once done.

Stuff Black People Don't Like includes braving the end of the line, for Rosa Parks ended Black people sitting in the back of the bus once and for all. This, naturally, carried over into every facet of life, for Black people never wait at the end of US Post Office lines, movie lines, amusement park lines, etc., for this would mean the rule of civility applies to them.

As the two videos below show, they do not, and to even consider rules applying to Black people is grounds for being a racist.

After all, if someone objects to a Black person cutting in front of them, then the easy and simple explanation for their behavior is that they are insensitive and a racist.

A problem exists though, for she failed to do one crucial thing that exacerbated the situation, cooperate with the police, and this left her in the situation she faces now:

"Police say in court documents that Ellis refused requests to calm down and leave the property, allegedly kicking one's shin and splitting another's lip. Her trial on charges of assaulting police officers, resisting arrest and disturbing the peace begins Wednesday in Dunklin County Circuit Court."

So remember, waiting in line can save you 10-15 years of your life.