Saturday, October 2, 2010

Step on a Crack, Break Your Mother's Back: How'd that get There?

Occasionally, an infusion of words can be deemed extraneous when attempting to augment a story's hilarity with commentary.

Such is the case of Mr. Raymond Roberts and his capacious backside, where local sheriff's deputies found foreign substances during his arrest, though he feigned incredulity when presented with one of the novelties:

OCTOBER 1--A Florida man arrested Wednesday on drug charges told cops that a bag of cocaine found hidden inside his buttocks did not belong to him. Though the suspect did cop to ownership of a bag of marijuana hidden alongside the coke.
The narcotics were discovered by Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputies after Raymond Roberts’s Hyundai was pulled over on a Bradenton street for speeding Wednesday morning.
Investigators, who reported smelling a strong odor of marijuana emanating from the vehicle, subsequently searched the 25-year-old Roberts and discovered his hidden stash.
During the search, when Deputy Sean Cappiello "felt a soft object in the crack of his buttocks," the suspect "began to tense up." Roberts volunteered to remove the item. “Let me get it, hold on” he said, and proceeded to place a "clear plastic baggie with a green leafy substance" on the car's hood. A subsequent test showed the substance to be marijuana, 4.5 grams worth, according to an amusing sheriff’s report. Or click here for an easy-to-read PDF of the document.
"I then asked him if that was it," wrote Cappiello, "and he stated 'yes.'"
But, as the deputy reported, "I then searched his shorts again and felt another object that was in the crack of his buttocks. I pulled the object out from the exterior of his shorts and a clear plastic baggie with a white rock substance fell to the ground." This plastic bag, a test would later determine, contained 27 pieces of crack cocaine.
Roberts quickly disavowed ownership of the cocaine. “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is,” he claimed, adding that the crack in his crack was the property of a friend who had previously borrowed the car and left the drug on the passenger seat.
Roberts explained that when he was pulled over for speeding, he concealed the second bag of narcotics.

Some would label this a "filler" post, an unnecessary usage of an isolated incident involving involuntary, idle, items inconspicuously, idyllically incognito.

What else was nestled snugly in Mr. Roberts that he was unwillingly to claim ownership to? What type of friends does Mr. Roberts pal around with in his spare time? Jim Carrey?

Mr. Roberts enters esteemed territory, becoming Stuff Black People Don't Like inaugural member in the gallery of WWW (White Watch Winners). Once, a Web site existed that was funny, irreverent and revealing of the seedy underclass that all respectable people should shun without a moments hesitation.

Sadly, it is defunct.

With a nod of appreciation to the memory of White Watch, we wish to showcase those Darwinian marvels who seem to slip through the cracks of civilized society and reappear in the most unfortunate of circumstances.

We at SBPDL salute you Mr. Roberts, our inaugural entrant in the pantheon of WWW honorees. Though he confessed to the marijuana found in his backside, the crack cocaine found in a similar position was clearly not his.


Anonymous said...

SBDL, with 8 days left before the book release and new website, please consider giving us the website address now; I can just see you getting shut down here on the 9th! Keep up the good work and Thanks.

Stuff Black People Don't Like said...

Great question.

Currently, both and (if you type this into your browser) will bring you here.

The plan is to move the new site (to see if the search engines will start cataloging this site again) to the URL

JDC said...

Me again SBDL, that's what we needed..I'll be there!

Anonymous said...

Me too. Truth hurts, and the blacks are about to find out if you go "polar bear hunting" you will be shot in the face.

Desiree said...

This is a funny story, although, generally, drug addicts are not the most intelligent people in the world (their drug use being exhibit A)...

Speaking of bags, there seems to be a growing number of whites who are sexually stimulated by balloons. They call themselves 'looners'.

I think I'd rather hide cocaine in my ass than have the only thing that leads to orgasm is the popping of a balloon. While the former is generally not as healthy, the latter is bizarre and pathetic, as per usual with Whitey...

Anonymous said...

What was the whole point of this article? Was it to just continue your warn-out rants of the evil black man and their "stupidity"? If so, then you are showing signs of weariness. You are beginning to show that you don't have anymore ammunition to throw at us because the war is over. And its time you've put up the white flag.

Anonymous said...

Dear black/liberal anon at 4:27 AM:

There is still plenty of ammunition, more that one website can handle. Along with what is posted on this site,, there are thousands of personal accounts of poor black behavior that never get mentioned. Most of us have several per day depending on the racial makeup of our cities. We will not put up the white flag! We shall never give up our cities, our culture, our safe neighborhoods, our hard earned tax dollars. This war is just starting, please do not be confused. You must educate yourself and not be so ignorant of current affairs.

Anonymous said...

"What was the whole point of this article?"

It was light entertainment, you dumb fuck.

Stuff Black People Don't Like said...

I hate to say it, but I have more than 500 # entries left to do. Traveling, work and other outside influences sometime precludes me from writing what needs to be written.

Don't worry, WWW is a new feature here that will only be plugged about once a month. does to good a job of showcasing true criminality for me to take over his wonderful sites duty.