Such is the case of Mr. Raymond Roberts and his capacious backside, where local sheriff's deputies found foreign substances during his arrest, though he feigned incredulity when presented with one of the novelties:
OCTOBER 1--A Florida man arrested Wednesday on drug charges told cops that a bag of cocaine found hidden inside his buttocks did not belong to him. Though the suspect did cop to ownership of a bag of marijuana hidden alongside the coke.
The narcotics were discovered by Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputies after Raymond Roberts’s Hyundai was pulled over on a Bradenton street for speeding Wednesday morning.
Investigators, who reported smelling a strong odor of marijuana emanating from the vehicle, subsequently searched the 25-year-old Roberts and discovered his hidden stash.
During the search, when Deputy Sean Cappiello "felt a soft object in the crack of his buttocks," the suspect "began to tense up." Roberts volunteered to remove the item. “Let me get it, hold on” he said, and proceeded to place a "clear plastic baggie with a green leafy substance" on the car's hood. A subsequent test showed the substance to be marijuana, 4.5 grams worth, according to an amusing sheriff’s report. Or click here for an easy-to-read PDF of the document.
"I then asked him if that was it," wrote Cappiello, "and he stated 'yes.'"
But, as the deputy reported, "I then searched his shorts again and felt another object that was in the crack of his buttocks. I pulled the object out from the exterior of his shorts and a clear plastic baggie with a white rock substance fell to the ground." This plastic bag, a test would later determine, contained 27 pieces of crack cocaine.
Roberts quickly disavowed ownership of the cocaine. “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is,” he claimed, adding that the crack in his crack was the property of a friend who had previously borrowed the car and left the drug on the passenger seat.
Roberts explained that when he was pulled over for speeding, he concealed the second bag of narcotics.
Some would label this a "filler" post, an unnecessary usage of an isolated incident involving involuntary, idle, items inconspicuously, idyllically incognito.
What else was nestled snugly in Mr. Roberts that he was unwillingly to claim ownership to? What type of friends does Mr. Roberts pal around with in his spare time? Jim Carrey?
Mr. Roberts enters esteemed territory, becoming Stuff Black People Don't Like inaugural member in the gallery of WWW (White Watch Winners). Once, a Web site existed that was funny, irreverent and revealing of the seedy underclass that all respectable people should shun without a moments hesitation.
Sadly, it is defunct.
With a nod of appreciation to the memory of White Watch, we wish to showcase those Darwinian marvels who seem to slip through the cracks of civilized society and reappear in the most unfortunate of circumstances.
We at SBPDL salute you Mr. Roberts, our inaugural entrant in the pantheon of WWW honorees. Though he confessed to the marijuana found in his backside, the crack cocaine found in a similar position was clearly not his.