This website will serve to educate the general public on Black people and the Stuff That Black People Don't Like. Black people have many interesting eccentricities, which include disliking a litany of everyday events, places, household objects and other aspects of their everyday life.
Black people are an interesting subject matter and this website will chronicle the many problems in life that agitate this group of people.
To suggest material, please contact sbpdl1@gmail.com
There's something about the 1980s: John Hughes movies were a bridge back to the 1950s; Larry Bird and the Boston Celtics were saving the NBA; Michael Jackson decided his ebony skin needed an ivory overhaul; bands like Journey, Toto, Bon Jovi, etc., were producing songs and power ballads that have as much power now as they did when thousands crammed arenas to hear them perform live; in essence, whiteness still sold.
People reveled in it.
This is one of the primary reasons contemporary Black rap and R&B artists "sample" songs from this time period in the hopes of creating an iTunes sensation, because the music from this era resonates with people in a way the Black Eyed Peas original songs could only wish to achieve.
Perhaps the ultimate expression of this concept is the Power Ballad, that one love song every band tried to perfect to include in an 80s film and gain immortality through some awkward teenager guy always remembering it fondly as the song they finally got to the second base while listening to.
White Snake, Journey, Poison, Cheap Trick, Foreigner, Jefferson Starship, REO Speedwagon, Boston; all bands that can actually perform live and sound just as good as they do on the radio, CD, or via iPods, all bands that produced Power Ballads that still have an emotional pull modern "artists" could only wish to replicate.
Go to any bar where modern white people - fresh out of college to those still clinging desperately to their fraternity and sorority days and refusing to grow up - congregate and the pulsating noise of rap will make conversation virtually impossible. But if, by chance, a modern-day "juke box"machine is available that streams music then you have the opportunity to resurrect lost Power Ballads that instantly invigorate any evening out on the town.
Confusing people who never knew songs like Alphaville's Forever Young existed prior to Jay-Z's need of something familiar to have an instant 'hit' is a hilarious game that illustrates the Power Ballads appeal.
Black people have never been able to understand the mysticism of the Power Ballad, the concepts that go into producing such songs as Boston's Amanda; Jefferson Starship's Sara; The Scorpions Europe's Carrie; Toto's Rosanna; and Steve Perry's Oh Sherrie are foreign to Black people. Alien.
Just like Nicholas Sparks novels and films, white girls instinctual love these songs knowing that it represents something fundamental. Years will pass from hearing one of these songs, but the feelings present when they first heard them will come pouring back in an emotional dam-bursting and remind them of dreams they once had.
Sentimentality is a distinctly white trait, and though Black people can Act White by trying to enjoy a Power Ballad, it's difficult to find a Black person who can empathize with the emotions that can be drudged up from the hearing of a song 10 or 20 years from when those memories were first created.
The Power Ballad is a uniquely white [and primarily American] phenomenon, a manifestation of hope, love, desire and longing that symbolizes one of the last unifying cultural traits left for white people. Regardless of the geographic location, Power Ballads are still played across America and speak to an epoch that contemporary music seeks to dull, de-legitimize and label as square.
Funny: many of the most popular rap and R&B songs require heavily sampling from this time period in hopes of attracting an audience.
Stuff Black People Don't Like includes Power Ballads, one of the most powerful instruments for keeping Black people from a bar, club, restaurant or place of business.
Power Ballads have the capacity to take white people back to earlier moments in their life that bring a strange mixture of joy and sorrow, loss and happiness. Memories from simpler times when the jitters before a first date could be fixed by listening to the comforting words and music from a Power Ballad that foreshadowed the hope of potentially rounding the bases later in the evening and starting something special with that girl who would ultimately break your heart.
Simultaneously the Power Ballad captures all the emotions that make life worth living and fighting for; you're not supposed to live in the past, but you're not supposed to forget it either.
Christmas is the time of year where family gather together to remember the past, celebrate cherished memories and reminisce upon kin long since gone, but not forgotten.
Black people, though more than 70 percent are born out of wedlock, love Christmas. As we learned in our article on gay marriage, Black people are deeply religious and find the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ one of the most important days in the year.
One of the best ways to foster conversation around the Christmas tree among family is to bring up the last cultural unifier in America: movies. Neither regionalism nor rural area can escape the all-mighty reach of Hollywood and the power of cinema to shape national attitudes and mores is unquestioned.
Christmas makes a perfect backdrop for Hollywood to create magic that the entire family can enjoy, year end and year out. Family films that depict the glories of Christmas in contemporary settings and of Christmas’ long, long ago have the edifying power of binding the generations present in ways that no amount of egg nog can.
Already, we have discussed one film – Holiday Inn – that Black people find despicable, due to one of the most offensive Black-face scenes in Hollywood history. That particular film introduced the world to the glorious song, “White Christmas”, and stars the incomparable Bing Crosby.
However, three Christmas films are constantly found viewed by families around the holiday, as they represent the Holy Triumvirate of Christmas films. And yet, these films – cherished by all who view them – leave Black people in a disquieting sense of alienation from the United States, for they were all made in Pre-Obama America and all have the common denominator of having absolutely no Black people of significance in them.
In fact, when watching these films, one gets the sense that the song White Christmas is redundant and the holiday is not only blanketed in a climate of continuous snow, but a blizzard of whiteness.
Those films that comprise the Holy Triumvirate are “It’s a Wonderful Life”, “A Christmas Story” and “Christmas Vacation”, and all have the similarity of being about white people (and families) celebrating Christmas in unique ways and all in different decades (1940, 1950 and the 1980s respectively) that has the calming effect of reassuring white America that a strong homogeneous nation once existed and its genesis was The Greatest Generation.
Black people view these films with a brooding sense of incredulity, for these films callously disregard Black people and their many contributions to American life.
Take “It’s a Wonderful Life” for example. The lone Black character in the film is a maid/cook of the Bailey’s, the films protagonists and the virtuous saviors of Bedford Falls. How can a family that helps the little people of Bedford Falls have the audacity to have a Black person – a virtual slave – and still be well liked by the town? What’s the film all about?:
The film takes place in the fictional town of Bedford Falls shortly after World War II and stars James Stewart as George Bailey, a man whose imminent suicide on Christmas Eve gains the attention of his guardian angel, Clarence Odbody (Henry Travers) who is sent to help him in his hour of need. Much of the film is told through flashbacks spanning George's entire life and narrated by Franklin and Joseph, unseen Angels who are preparing Clarence for his mission to save George.
Through these flashbacks we see all the people whose lives have been touched by George and the difference he has made to the community in which he lives.”
George Bailey is a fine example of the All-American white guy and to see a movie that is watched yearly by millions of people portray a pale-face in such a glowing manner is too much for Black people to take.
Watching the film is like looking at a portrait or photograph of a long-dead family member you never knew, for the movie shows a United States that no longer exists and yet, “It’s a Wonderful Life” has the eerie ability to pull you into this picturesque town and never let you go. Black people sense this as well, and realize they don’t quite belong in Bedford Falls.
In the second Christmas classic, “A Christmas Story”, the city of Cleveland plays host to the tale of boy in search of the ultimate toy: a Red-Ryder BB Gun and the anticipation of Christmas’ arrival:
“The film is set in the fictional city of Hohman (based on real-life city of Hammond, Indiana). 9-year-old Ralphie Parker wants only one thing for Christmas: "an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time." Between run-ins with his younger brother Randy and having to handle school bully Scut Farkus, and his sidekick Grover Dill, Ralphie does not know how he will ever survive long enough to get the BB gun for Christmas.
The plot revolves around Ralphie's overcoming a seemingly insurmountable obstacle to his owning the precious Red Ryder BB gun: the fear that he will shoot his eye out. In each of the film's three acts, Ralphie makes his case to another individual; each time he is met by the same retort. When Ralphie asks his mother for a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out." Next, when Ralphie writes a theme about wanting the BB gun for Miss Shields, his teacher at Warren G. Harding Elementary School, Ralphie gets a C+, and Miss Shields writes "P.S. You'll shoot your eye out" on it. Finally, Ralphie asks an obnoxious department store Santa Claus for a Red Ryder BB gun, and Santa responds, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid. Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!", before pushing Ralphie down a long slide with his boot.”
In this film, unlike “It’s a Wonderful Life”, nary a Black person has a speaking part. There is a Black child in Ralphie’s class, but he fails to garner a speaking credit and instead looks on in horror at Flick’s taking up the dreaded Triple-Dog dare and getting his tongue stuck to a flag pole.
“A Christmas Story” is more bleached than even “It’s a Wonderful Life” and worse, TBS plays the film for 24-hours straight on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, which has the undeniably crippling effect of harming young Black people’s self-esteem, for they are but an afterthought in a film that showcases the overwhelming whiteness of American history.
“Christmas Vacation” is a film produced by Black people’s least favorite director, John Hughes, and paints a rather boring picture of Mein Obama’s adopted hometown of Chicago for its unbearable and overpowering whiteness. Thankfully, a Black person is given a semi-power of authority, this time in the guise of a police chief at the end of film. Otherwise though, Black people are conspicuously absent from this hilarious Yule-tide comedy, that stars Chevy Chase in all his campy glory:
“The movie begins with Clark taking his family on the search for a perfect Christmas tree. After aggravating nearby motorists, getting stuck under a big rig, and walking in the woods for a long time, Clark finally finds said tree. (He digs the tree out himself because he forgot the saw.) Clark breaks several windows and gets covered in tree sap setting it up, as it barely fits in the yard, let alone the living room.
While shopping for gifts at a downtown Chicago department store, Clark meets a saleswoman named Mary (Nicolette Scorsese). He makes a series of Freudian slips to her on their first encounter, and later fantasizes about her skinny-dipping in his future pool (interrupted by his cousin in law's daughter).
Clark has been working on a project at his firm which he expects will bring in a good Christmas bonus. Clark plans to use the bonus to put in a swimming pool, which he has already laid down a $7,500 deposit on.
As Christmas approaches, the many members of Clark's extended family begin arriving to stay with him. Clark's and Ellen's parents are the first to arrive. This drives him to go set up the lighting on the house with his son Rusty. He covers nearly every inch of the home's exterior and yard with lights (according to Clark himself, a grand total of 25,000 Christmas lights). Clark becomes very frustrated after many attempts to get the lights working. Unknown to him, the electricity wasn't on to begin with. When Ellen heads to the back store room to get something, she clicks a light switch, lighting the house (and causing the power plant to switch to nuclear generators for backup power), and blinding their unfriendly yuppie neighbors. After the lights are up and running, Ellen's cousin-in-law and cousin, Eddie and Catherine, along with their children show up to stay with him for a month, with their dilapidated, rusty RV parked in the driveway the whole time.”
All three films are constantly shown on television around Christmas and all three films reinforce an ugly historical fact to Black people in the United States: like in the film “It’s a Wonderful Life”, Black people get to see a world in which they have no real power in the country and in some cases, how the country operated if they weren't even apart of it or born.
When young Black people watch these films, they are forced to ponder this unfortunate reality, for the Holy Triumvirate of Christmas movies chronicle celluloid worlds where Black people don’t exist in any significant roles.
Black people aren't even mentioned at all in these films, as the white people in all three movies seem blissfully ignorant of their even existence.
Stuff Black People Don't Like includes the Holy Triumvirate of Christmas movies, for all three films are awash in whiteness and lack any color or divine Black presence. These films are part of the imperialistic and racist white America of old, and every Christmas, Black people are forced to remember that nation and white people are once again reminded of the nation that is lost to them forever, yet immortalized in three grand old films.
The films take place a total of 90 years apart and showcase white people in the 20th century and yet, like an old family portrait of family members never met, these films have the unnerving power of acting as a fine eulogy for white America.
Although they were completely absolved from the casting decisions of Hughes' films, the 1980s were the foundation for the coming Black dominance of popular culture in the 1990s and 2000s. Eddie Murphy and the films he starred in opened up a new era for Black comedians and Black athletes were worshipped as never before, with his Airness, Michael Jordan, assuming the throne of white adulation.
However, the 1980s gave birth to a befuddling song - a Number One Billboard hit - that still garners airplay today and continues to gain in popularity: Toto's Africa.
It is hard to imagine what was going through the bands collective minds when they sat down to pen Africa, as the band Toto is comprised of a bunch of white people. What gives white people the right to sing about Africa, as Black people have been trying to force white people from their ancestral homeland for decades? More importantly, what in the world is the song about?:
"The initial idea for the song came from David Paich, playing on his piano. Jeff explains the idea behind the song: "... a white boy is trying to write a song on Africa, but since he's never been there, he can only tell what he's seen on TV or remembers in the past."
Hmm, if what a white boy sees on TV was the basis for the song Africa, then the lyrics to that song would be entirely different. Black people have done everything in their power to consolidate power into their hands, at the expense of the white people who created the nations they graciously allowed to live in.
Rhodesia? What was once the breadbasket of Africa is gone, replaced with Zimbabwe and widespread corruption. South Africa? No more, the subject of fascinating new movie called District 9. Before white people arrived in Africa, what is now South Africa was just land. After whites cultivated the land, they built a thriving First-World nation - the envy of the world - that Black people could only dream of replicating.
Now under Black rule since 1994, South Africa is like Detroit, Jefferson County or Clayton County, a nation crumbling and nearing dystopian levels of degradation and violence that even the most macabre mind couldn't imagine.
"Its gonna take a lot to drag me away from you Theres nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in africa Gonna take some time to do the things we never had"
The lyrics to this classic song discuss Africa, but not in the disingenuous white liberal manner in which Black people would like to have a song named after their home continent should. Take "We are the World", another 1980s song that discusses Africa in the only way Black people want the continent discussed: with pity and white paternalistic hope of saving everyone:
"Several musicians were contacted by the pair, before Jackson and Richie were assigned the task of writing the song. Following several months of working together, the duo completed the writing of "We Are the World" one night before the anthem's first recording session, in early 1985. The last recording session for the song was held on January 28, 1985. The historic event brought together some of the biggest artists in the music industry at the time."
"We are the World" deals with Black suffering, poverty, starvation and famine in Africa, all byproducts of Black people and peculiar characteristics that follow Black people to wherever they migrate or are found around the world, whether it be in Europe, the United States or in South America. Crusading white pedagogues use this song as their anthem when trying to show how much they care about Black people.
Toto's Africa is a song that brings a smile to the face of anyone who hears it, whereas "We are the World" brings about a look of a disgust of one the persons face who hears it embodies the ultimate disingenuous white liberal fantasy: creating a vast one-world that resembles Africa as it currently is, in all its glory!
Stuff Black People Don't Like includes Toto's Africa, a song sung by white people that has nothing to do with famine, colonialism or white racism toward the indigenous people in Africa or the evils of Apartheid - or for that matter Black people.
There was no post yesterday as SBPDL mourns the loss of visionary movie director John Hughes, who we profiled last month as #317 on Stuff Black People Don't Like.
A new post will be forthcoming tonight, but for now, we mourn the loss of John Hughes and his movies, which will forever be included in Stuff Black People Don't Like.
His films will long be remembered by white people everywhere as they canonize a time, place and people that is gone forever. We now live in the Age of Obama, and everything before his magnificent reign is but a memory.
Stuff Black People Don't Like will always include The Breakfast Club, Uncle Buck, Home Alone, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, Weird Science and John Hughes Movies, because they exist as a testament to the 1980s and a world seemingly untouched by Black people and devoid of them entirely.
The 1980s is considered by many pundits to be the greatest decade in the history of the world. Great music, great fashion and the rise of the imaginary Black family- thanks to The Cosby Show - made the 80s a harmonious place for race relations. Michael Jackson was still Black, Mr. T was still relevant and white America and Black America were living in a peaceful detente after a turbulent 60s and 70s.
In the early 1990s however, that harmony was replaced by universal discord with the Los Angeles Riots, rise of the militia movement and OJ Simpson. A movie was made entitled Falling Down, which depicted a white male fighting back against the corruption and decadence of modern Los Angeles, a vain attempt at showing life in the dwindling majority of California. Of course this movie was pure fiction and never will we see white people show the slightest opposition to their displacement.
Few theoreticians have been able to identify why racial tensions were so great in the early 1990s after such a wonderful decade of integrated decadence in the 80s... until now.
Black people, as has been discerned, love movies. They truly enjoy going to the cinema and watching films for their enjoyment. However, one director's films in the 1980s were subliminally racist and exuded an implicit whiteness that Black people picked up on and in turn, lead to the disastrous downturn in race relations in the 1990s: John Hughes films.
Hughes directed or wrote such classics as Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Weird Science, Home Alone and National Lampoon's Vacation series. The problem with these movies, despite being hilarious and amusing, is that they have few if any Black people. Even the requisite "Token Black" is missing, and in the case of one movie, Sixteen Candles, replaced with an Asian exchange student named Long Duk Dong. In The Breakfast Club, five white students enjoy a Saturday in detention and learn that the social class system that rules the school, hierarchically putting labels on people, is wrong. However, the world that John Hughes creates in his stories and movies is one devoid of Black people. It is as if non-whites don't exist in this ficticious world of John Hughes and his America is occupied only by cool and hip white people, like Ferris Bueller, Clark Griswold and Cousin Eddie or Buzz McCallister.
Only Black people can be cool and hip, so depicting white people in such Black roles is a major blunder, and John Hughes - who turned out hit after hit in the theaters (the correlation being that the bigger the hit, the whiter the movie) - and his films directly led to the civil breakdown in race relations in the early 1990s.
His desire to make movies that starred the ultimate white guy everyman, John Candy, was more than Black people could take.
It would be incredibly difficult to even name one Black character in a John Hughes movie that even had a speaking part, let alone a minor role. For this reason only, Black people decided to make the early-90s a sea of racial disharmony and those troubled waters have been dicey every since.
Black people consider the John Hughes movies incredibly racist and yet another example of Pre-Obama America that they detest. Take for instance the Hughes film The Great Outdoors, which stars John Candy. There is not one Black face or Black person to be seen the film, as it is a glorification of white people, families and summer.
Most of John Hughes movies take place in Chicago, a city that has a sizable white population and, according to his movies, no Black people.
John Hughes and his movies depict an America without the glory of racial diversity and Black people, and for this reason his films merit yet another inclusion in Stuff Black People Don't Like.
