Monday, September 21, 2009

#27. Small Butts

Kanye West is a favorite topic at SBPDL. Our fish stick loving, “no homo” espousing, George W. Bush bashing, Absolute Vodka swilling, Taylor Swift award-crashing friend is also a major lover of women who are callipygous.

Rumors of Kanye West’s love interests include Kym Kardasian, Beyonce and his current squeeze Amber Rose (a female who would pass the paper bag test).

Wait, you might be asking. Back it up. What does callipygous mean?:
“pertaining to or having finely developed buttocks; "the quest for the callipygian ideal."

Big butts. A large backside. Junk in your trunk. Black people love big butts, but you’ll be hard pressed to ever hear or read the phrase callipygous in Black people’s songs about butts. Though, Black people do love big butts, as we consult Sir Mix-a-Lot and his song Baby Got Back:
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupie
I've seen them dancin'
To hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!
This song is beloved by Black people as well as white people, and yet it hints at a general truth that most people find unnerving. Black people have and Black men love big butts. Some Black people have large butts because they fail to pass on seconds, but others have them because that evil Mendel might have been correct in his theories:
(Gregor Mendel) He came to three important conclusions from these experimental results,
  • that the inheritance of each trait is determined by "units" or "factors" that are passed on to descendents unchanged
  • that an individual inherits one such unit from each parent for each trait
  • that a trait may not show up in an individual but can still be passed on to the next generation.

A former NFL commentator – no less a scientific mind then Mendel – Jimmy “the Greek” Snyder, spent years watching Black people compete in professional football and formed this interesting hypothesis:

"On Jan. 15, 1988, Rather himself aired video shot that afternoon at Duke Zeibert's restaurant in Washington, D.C., featuring Snyder explaining why he thought African-Americans excelled in sports.

"The black is the better athlete," The Greek said. "And he practices to be the better athlete, and he's bred to be the better athlete because this goes way back to the slave period. The slave owner would breed this big black with this big black woman so he could have a big black kid. That's where it all started."

In Africa, Black people of some of the indigenous tribes have gluts that would make Beyonce or other women that Sir-Mix-a-Lot canonized in his early 1990s song quite jealous of and would drive your average Black man into a fit of adolescent joy, thanks to Steatopygia:
" a high degree of fat accumulation in and around the buttocks. The deposit of fat is not confined to the gluteal regions, but extends to the outside and front of the thighs, forming a thick layer reaching sometimes to the knee.

This development constitutes a genetic characteristic of the Khoisan. It is especially prevalent in the women of this tribe, but also occurs to a lesser degree in the males. In most ethnic groups of Homo sapiens, females tend to exhibit a greater propensity to adipose tissue accumulation in the buttock region as compared with males. It has also been observed among the Pygmies of Central Africa and the Onge-tribe of the Andaman Islands. Among the Khoisan, it is regarded as a sign of beauty: it begins in infancy and is fully developed by the time of the first pregnancy. It is often accompanied by the formation known as elongated labia (labia minora that may extend as much as 4 inches outside the vulva). This was historically known as the "hottentot apron".

Steatopygia would seem to have been a characteristic of a population which once extended from the Gulf of Aden to the Cape of Good Hope, of which stock Khoisan and Pygmies are remnants. While the Khoisan afford the most noticeable examples of its development, it occurs in other parts of Africa, and occurs even more frequently among male Basters than among Khoikhoi women. It is also observed among females of Andamanese Negritos."

Some Black women in Africa desire big butts so much that they augment them with injections:

“Bobaraba! It means “big bottom,” and it's a hit song and butt-shaking dance phenom sweeping the Ivory Coast, the BBC reports. In fact, some women in the west African nation are so caught up in bobaraba-mania that a black market of “bottom enhancers” has emerged, targeting those who want more junk in the trunk."
The efficacy of the treatments, sold as injections or balms with no ingredients listed, is highly questionable, and some local medical officials are concerned about possible dangers.”
Rap videos, though they have gone soft, now are a mere parade of thick-souled sistas gyrating in swimsuits, with young Black men dancing around them doing their best to dispel rumors of “no homo” and reinforcing the notion of liking big butts.

So, if Black people find big butts desirable, on both the continent of Africa where they spent hundreds of thousands of years evolving and in the United States, where they have spent the last 400 years, this must prove Mendel correct.

Stuff Black People Don’t Like, by the powers of inherited traits and genetics invested in Black people, includes small butts for Black people are predisposed for loving big butts. Sir-Mix-a-Lot did the world a favor when he sang about the advantages of large butts in the eyes of Black people, as he provided us all with a glimpse into the mind of the Black man.


grendal said...

i love this site more each time i read another article,this one is very well researched and i will be back for more....big butts,lmao!

Anonymous said...

Re: the black and white photo...I asked you nicely to post no more pictures of Serena Williams.

Iranian For Aryans said...


t_c_ said...

Thanks for this funny, yet informative entry. Also I appreciate the links, followed the link to Mendel and found this quote, although I have taken it out of context it deserves a reflection given the current state of affairs,

"After Mendel completed his work with peas, he turned to experimenting with honeybees, in order to extend his work to animals. He produced a hybrid strain (so vicious they were destroyed)"

Anonymous said...

A semi-interesting tidbit about black models like Buffie there: Some of the more popular ones are actually of mixed heritage, often with Asian genes thrown in the mix.

Anonymous said...

"black models ... mixed heritage"

Very true, perhaps Stuff Black People Don't Like also includes: Their own women. I know I sure as heck don't like their women.

Mark said...

Callipygous is beautifully proportioned buttocks, that is typical of whites.

Blacks like steatopygous buttocks, that are disproportionately large with large fat accumulation. See Hottentot Venus.

Blacks in their form and behavior are disharmonious.

Anonymous said...

I agree wtih Mark.
I like a women with a nice butt too but blacks really do go to the extreme with this obsession.
Look up steatopygous with google image. One of the first images I saw show a child literally standing on cheeks of a woman with with such a crazy shaped behind.

Anonymous said...

I don't see what the problem with liking big backsides is. It's no different from people liking big breasts. Nothing wrong with people having a personal preference.

Anonymous said...

Why do people believe any of this crap?

Anonymous said...

Because it's true.

Anonymous said...

There's nothing wrong with appreciating a nice ass.
And you're an idiot for portraying the very obscure khoikhoi tribe as being the norm. They are very different from other black people (much shorter, Asian eyes), and make up only a very tiny part of the black population.

Additionally, black people and white people both appreciate a nice ass. Black people are just more open about it in public. Alone in bed, white men appreciate butts just as much -- and like blacks, they like them real big and round.

this is idiotic: "On Jan. 15, 1988... The slave owner would breed this big black with this big black woman so he could have a big black kid. That's where it all started."
You know why it's idiotic? because blacks in Africa are better athletes too, not just the ones descended from slaves...

And I can think of about 10 songs off the top of my head that are way better songs (and less overused) about ass than Sir Mixalot's.

Anonymous said...

I mean, your website is probably a joke, but it doesn't work.
Stuffwhitepeoplelike is hilarious, because most of it has a grain of truth, is inconsequential, and portrays it in a funny way. Yours doesn't come across as particularly offensive, but it certainly isn't funny. You just seem to be an idiot, and your stuff isn't presented jokingly. There was nothing in any of your articles that made me even snicker, even after I had read that this was a joke thing. It's just...bad humor. Not offensive or shocking...just boring and stupid.
Stuffwhitepeoplelike works for the following reasons: it is self depreciating/mocking, it is said in a way that is attempting to "educate" the reader about white people -- without an obvious bias, just a ridiculous assumption that all white people are like this for reason A.
Your site is not self-depreciating. I doubt that you are black, and even if you are, this site still sucks.
Mostly, your site is unfunny in that you write contemptously of people with snide comments, which undermines the "neutral" standpoint of the generalizations which makes stuffwhitepeoplelike funny.
Stuffwhitepeoplelike is written in a way that is... faux-educational, and faux instructory for how to get a white person to like you or whatever.
Your shitty site is faux educational (which it fails at because of snide comments like this: "Some Black people have large butts because they fail to pass on seconds, but others have them because that evil Mendel might have been correct in his theories:" "evil" ruins it, the implication of eating too much comes across as callous and rude (something done only SUBTLY on stuffwhitepeoplelike), and you don't emphasize the "ALL black people" enough, something done frequently on swpl.
Additionally, your site sucks for the following reasons:
1. You are not a funny person, just someone who wants attention. ie. you have little wit.
2. Your site is an imitation that doesn't add anything to the point of stuffwhitepeoplelike
3. in making it about black people, the element that you are mocking is gone. stuffwhitepeoplelike mocks the way the white people believe "ALL" asians like chow mein, or that "ALL" black people like rap, but never believe that ALL of them do anytihng of the sort. Blacks are perfectly aware of the stereotypes whites have for them, but whites are rarely aware of what they are stereotyped as. Because of that, stuffwhitepeoplelike is funny. Your site is just a shitty reiteration of old racist scientific papers promoting white supremacy, but done in a crap encyclopediadramatica style. I really don't see what originality or cleverness you are portraying.

Stuff Black People Don't Like said...

Anon (1-27-10)-

Actually, none of the websites that are cited in any of the links provided come from "white supremacist" sites... take a look sometime. You'll see the links are mainstream news reports and studies published by the government.

Read the entry "Passing on Seconds"... something like 66 percent of Black women are classified as morbidly obese. Thus, the reason for big butts!

Sorry you don't like the website, but thanks for the response. Obviously you were engaged enough to respond in a manner attacking the sites "lack of creative" and the deplorable level of non-wit that I possess, but when in Rome.

Each post builds on the other, so you need to read every link and every post in each entry. Failing to do so leaves you with an incomplete picture.

Plus, Stuffwhitepeoplelike is beloved by some of the most goofy looking white liberals you'll ever meet.

Emasculated white males are the most pathetic species of man on the planet, and that site oozes with estrogen-enhanced white males attempting to live in gentrified cities surrounded by other emasculated white males.

But, I will quickly respond to points 1 - 3.

1. I Don't want any attention. I want people to know the truth of Black people. That's it. Looking at the hits this site gets, I'd say some people might beg to differ on the "wit" you say we lack.
2. I find SWPL to be somewhat boring. I love the book, but Christian provides no links in his articles. We provide statistics and quantifiable data that helps validates points we make in our "witless manner".
3. It is about Black people. Everyone knows Detroit is a joke. We tell people why.

Anonymous said...

Best rendition of a much beloved song! Even my grandmother loved it...heheheheheh

Anonymous said...

@Stuff Black People Don't Like

Emasculated white males are the most pathetic species of man on the planet. quote

I happened upon this site by accident and I have black friends ,yes I'm white ,fair and blue eyed and not built like a decathlete and my butt is small. I hope you can get past your low opinion for my kind. There are bigger evils committed by religious bigotry. So then let us not be racist bigots.

Anonymous said...

Speaking as a Caucasion woman with a nicely shaped behind, I can say that both White and Black men appreciate a nice ass.

And what both consider to be a nice ass is similar - a nice firm, shapely but not *big* behind attached to a fit toned body.

A great behind is a rare find and I don't consider butts like Kim Kardashians and Jennifer Lopez's appealing. While both women are attractive in their own right, their butts are disproportionately large and on the fat side.

Certainly, there are some men who prefer huge butts but that is not the norm even if we are talking about the Black community where the ass is much celebrated. (There is a difference between a really amazingly shaped butt and a big huge behind and many women who have the latter are confused about the difference. It is similar to the difference between a fabulous and firm pair of breasts the perfect size and just larger breasts with not so great a shape. Although the breasts are larger that doesn't mean they are better looking same thing with the butt). I think men respond to the shape of the ass not the size.

Most men don't want all that junk in the trunk and the fat everywhere else that often comes with it.