#472. The Winter Olympics

Black people don't like the snow. They especially don't like errant snowballs thrown haphazardly in the general vicinity of where they might be located, if in fact that Black person is in the unfortunate realm where snow is accumulating.

Case in point, as of the 2000 census, the United States has 36 million Black people comprising roughly 13 percent of the total population. A staggering 54 percent of all Black people live in the south, and these states are known for producing hot temperatures and are routinely devoid of snow in the winter months. Convenient for Black people and conducive to pleasant winters that lack any errant snowballs.

This link will take you to a rundown of Black people's percentage of each state in the union. Notice the colder the state, the near single digit percentage of Black people.

It is said April is the cruelest month, but Black people know that December through February are much worse and supplant T.S. Elliot's prose with its frosty temperatures. A handful of dust won't cause dismay among Black people, but a handful of snow will do the trick.

Sadly, these facts of Black people and their complete disregard for snow, cold weather state-less living and errant snowballs add up to a simple conclusion - they don't like to be cold.

Thus, when Byrant Gumbel complained about the lack of Black people participating in the 2006 Winter Olympics, he was missing important variables that point to this simple truth:

"Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t like them and won’t watch them ... Because they’re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing.

So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won ... So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness — for God’s sake, let the games begin."

ESPN - the sports channel that dedicates its program allowance to spoiling Black people with continuous highlights of Black people dunking basketballs and philandering - finds scare air time to discuss hockey, let alone showcase the exploits of white people performing in the Winter Olympics.

Thus, Gumbel is correct to point out the paucity of Black people at Winter Olympics, but he is misguided in failing to indicate why this occurs. Nations that have non-indigenous Black people in them - the United States, Canada and other European countries - find it difficult to locate Black people who dare venture out into the cold and participate in sporting events that require snow to be on the ground.

In Africa, where they're exist nations that have a plentiful amount of indigenous Black people, snow is a resource difficult to come by and thus, fielding Winter Olympic teams is fools dream (Thankfully, the Jamaican's never fail to dream and field a bobsled team, with the end result being hilariously charming).

So yes, Black people find the Winter Olympics nauseating and Gumbel did articulate the monolithic view of the quasi-sporting contest that Black people have of the games, but it took the eloquent statement of a fellow Black person to qualify why:

"Interest in sporting activities are often dictated by environment. That's why Nordic and European countries have excelled in past Winter Olympics," said Project 21 member Deneen Moore. "It's a simple fact that winter sports are not part of black culture for both geographic and economic reasons. Accessibility, affordability and motivation are key requirements for individuals to excel in sport activities, not the color of one's skin. Mr. Gumbel should be aware of these obvious facts and not try to score cheap racial political points."

Wait a second, geographic reasons for why certain races are active in some activities and other races find sports that require running and jumping a better way to compete... baloney!!

The Winter Olympics does give credence the theories of the Ice People vs. The Sun People and worse, that paucity of Black people means that it will be white people who take home all of the gold (thankfully, a Leprechaun is rumored to reside in Mobile).

It is sports, mind you, that provide the only positive images of Black people in America and, that point, helped pave the way for the election of Mein Obama. The Winter Olympics, with the complete lack of Black athletes, flies directly in the face of this dictum and dares to give white people other heroes to worship and cheer for that aren't Black!

Black sporting heroes knocked down the door of Jim Crow in the south and ushered in an era of false equality that loosely still exists, but the Winter Olympics - and the paucity of Black athletes in competition for the medals - erodes the white confidence in Black superiority in athletics:

Not that the Winter Olympics reflect the wider world, which is a majority people of color. Let's face it: Ethiopians may make great marathoners, but they don't do well in curling. A Jamaican bobsled team was so hilarious it became the punch-line of a Hollywood movie. The Winter Olymics are a festival of whiteness—on the ground and on the winners' platform.

But it's when the Olympics try for relevance that they turn the corner into imbecility. Seeing the addition of xtreme sports in a frantic attempt to hold onto that elusive young male viewer is like your uncle Jakie in Ft. Lauderdale wearing a backward baseball cap and showing ass crack through his Sean Johns.

Black people know the truth: without images of Black people running with the football, dunking basketballs and sometimes excelling at baseball, the United States of America would be deprived of any positive images of Black people.

Thus, even though snow is abundant at the winter games and yes, errant snowballs and the temperature isn't high, Stuff Black People Don't Like includes the Winter Olympics because of the paucity of Black people.

If Black people competed, Black people would watch. Black people don't compete, so Black people tune out of the coverage NBC provides and pray for the Winter Olympics to end, so that Black dominance of sports and positive images of Black can continue to perpetuate uninhibited.

Of course, some Black people have had success at the Winter Olympics, but this is treated much like a man biting a dog story would be:

Chicago isn't just the home of R. Kelly, Twista, and Kanye West. We can now add Shani Davis to the list of historic Black men coming from Chi-Town. That's not only because he holds the world record in the 1500-meters and Allround Points in 2005, but he has made Olympic history by becoming the first African-American to win an individual gold medal in the Winter Olympics.

And of course, who can forget Vonetta Flowers, the Black woman who could have propelled the Jamaican Bobsled team to success:

Vonetta Flowers was the first black athlete (male or female)--from any country--to ever win an Olympic Winter Games gold medal. In the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City, Vonetta and Jill Bakken drove USA to an Olympic gold medal, ending the United States' 46-year medal drought in bobsled. The 2-woman bobsled team's time was 1 minute 48 seconds.

Black people don't the Winter Olympics for reasons that make sense: cold, errant snowballs and a lack of Black people competing, thereby challenging the long-held assumption that Black people are superior at athletics.

Our friends at theroot.com have proven our point: a handful of Black people have competed in the white Olympics, yet regardless of nationality, Black people cheer for fellow Black people excelling in the Winter Olympics (or in most cases, merely participating).

Of course, Disingenuous White Liberals hate the Winter Olympics for the precisely the same reason: Not enough Black people!

Remember, sports paved the way for Mein Obama. Without sports, SBPDL can't imagine where Black people would be.

The snow reflects the whiteness of the Winter Olympic games, and Black people find these circumstances unsettling.