Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Finally, Barack is Back... to Being Black

Finally, Barack is back… to being Black. With Mein Obama facing unprecedented levels of collapse among his supporters and an approval rating that even George W. Bush would smirk at, Zod-Obama had but one choice in an attempt to regain popularity among the masses as he went the Black route:

"I don't sit around just talking to experts because this is a college seminar, we talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers, so I know whose ass to kick."

The brilliant Aaron McGruder calls this “a nigga moment” and Mein Obama has finally regained the panache that attracted so many during his 2008 campaign by “heeling up” and preparing the nation for his Barack-Rock persona.

Bill Maher, the tedious HBO host, lamented that Mein Obama was failing to act like a Black man and in a monologue on his show demanded that he let out his inner thug:

Apparently, that's not good enough for comedian Bill Maher.

In an effort to tackle the latest crisis, the horrendous BP oil spill in the Gulf Coast, Maher thinks Obama needs to act more like a "real black president" and go in to the BP meetings flashing his gat.

Here's Maher's failed attempt at humor:

"I thought when we elected a black president, we were going to get a black president. You know, this [BP oil spill] is where I want a real black president. I want him in a meeting with the BP CEOs, you know, where he lifts up his shirt, where you can see the gun in his pants. That's -- (in black man voice) 'we've got a motherfu**ing problem here?' Shoot somebody in the foot."

Actually, what has finally happened is Mein Obama has come to the conclusion that Saturday Night Live (SNL) was correct when they cast Dwayne Johnson to play the angry version of himself, and he believed when he utilized the over-the-top WWE style verbiage that that transformation would actually take place:

Last night's Saturday Night Live was hosted by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, and he showed what happens when you finally cause President Obama to lose his famous cool: he undergoes a Hulk-like transformation and turns into "The Rock Obama." Egged on By Rahm Emanuel to finally get mad, "The Rock Obama" shows Republican senators why you shouldn't oppose him.

The show's opening skit took on Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner and his difficulties inspiring confidence in his plan to salvage the financial system. Let's just say he's looking for ideas if you have any.

Dwayne Johnson (WWE’s The Rock) has a striking resemblance to Mein Obama, hence why he was cast as the Hulkish version of our lanky, lugubriously chain smoking president. Johnson’s movie career has faltered as of late with his box office returns mirroring the direction of Obama’s approval rating.

Of course Johnson could play Mein Obama in a biopic (hopefully directed by Tyler Perry), as he has already expressed interest in such a film:

Dwayne Johnson, like many celebrities, is a big fan of President Barack Obama. The two became close prior to Obama taking office, and realized they had a lot in common! The Rock even says that he gets mistaken for our President. We don’t know how that’s possible, seeing as though he’s twice his size in muscle!

But Dwayne just loves being compared to someone of Obama’s stature. He recently told Moviefone.com, "All the comparisons have been such an honor - how cool! We make a hell of a pair. We had an opportunity to talk before the election. We talked about everything from our roots in Hawaii, our family and the importance of great leadership for our country, which is certainly one of the many things he provides."

But it goes beyond the physical similarities for The Rock. He says he’d like to see Obama play him in a biopic! He says, "Barack Obama (should play me). I hear that (we sound alike) all the time. You know I've gotten to know him, and he's a big time athlete, and loves athletics, so I'm sure he could bulk up."

No, truth is much stranger than fiction. Finally Barack is back… to Black. For too long the president has attempted to placate the fading white electorate and played by rules long ago dismantled. After all, Pre-Obama America is dead.

The reign of President Obama is beginning to resemble that of President Camancho from Idiocracy, and not a moment too soon. Just like in pro wrestling when a character becomes stale and the crowd loses interest in them, the promoter needs to find a way to renew interest in that individual by keeping them fresh.

Thankfully, that is happening with the “heeling up” of Mein Obama, as for too long he has been portrayed as a veritable Tiger Woods that white people would find palatable.

Now, we are beginning to see “The Rock Obama” persona come out. Wanda Sykes warned Obama – in a joking manner – of what would happen if he failed to deliver the goods:

"It's amazing, the first black president – I know you're biracial – but the first black president!" she said. "That's unless you screw up. Then it's going to be, 'What's up with the half-white guy, huh?'"

Finally, Barack is Back… to being Black. Stop trying to act white Mr. President and just lead, no matter how much ass you have to kick.

Problem is The Rock Dwayne Johnson never utilized a teleprompter for his promos. Perhaps he can teach Mein Obama a thing or two, including how to kick ass.

So here’s to you, Mein Obama. We’re glad you took Maher’s advice on ditching the goofy white act and we only hope that it continues. Although hearing you say ass reminded us of another fictional character, perhaps the antithesis of The Rock: Steve Urkel.

A link to SNL video of Rock-Obama.


Anonymous said...

But the Rock spoke at the Republican National Convention in 2000! Another brilliant success for GOP outreach.

Hirsch said...

Here is the most ironic thing about Obama's blackness. When you see the black, depoliticized masses, with their tacky first family t-shirts and Rushmore-like artwork depicting Martin Luther King and Obama side by side (Yes We Can) you have to wonder: how would they treat Obama if he was, say, a working class black man who behaved and dressed exactly as he does now, except he worked at a shoe store.

Can you imagine? The aphrodisiac that comes with being the most powerful man in the world would deflate pretty quickly. All the black guys in hip-hop gear would point and laugh: "Look at that Uncle Tom Ass nigga, putting on a suit and tie to step and fetch for the white man."

And I guarantee you the "sistas" would not be waxing eloquent about his sex appeal in the beauty parlor: "Girl, that weird skinny Kenyan nigga tried to holler at me the other day; I wasn't feeling him."

It makes one wonder. Then again, maybe the unified masses of blacks were not influenced by race in their support of Obama. Maybe Young Jeezy and Ludacris (both rappers who endorsed him) are sincere in their support. When they rap "Four shots to the chest my nigga" or speaking of "Pussy Poppin'" perhaps it is all a metaphor for the way Obama's articles for the "Harvard Law Review" truly touched them.

Anonymous said...

1. Aaron McGruder is NOT "brilliant", by any stretch. I've seen him interviewed, he simply repeats the standard, mindless black liberal talking points.

2. Please, no more vids of either Chris Matthews or Eugene Robinson. Nauseating...

Steve said...

Hmm we had Nagin Mayor of Chocolate City. Kilpatrick Americas First Hip-Hop Mayor and now we have the Angry Black President. America is becoming a bad comic book.

I agree with the anon poster on Chris Matthews, the sight of him causes uncontrollable stomach pains.

CWN said...

It is tough for ole Barry. He can't act too black, for that makes it harder for his white, liberal, ass kissing defenders, to defend him. And the independent or moderate white might wake up and see him as he really is.

He can't act too white either. This can offend the hard core niggaz. Calling him an uncle Tom and saying that he is not left enough. He is not down with da good fight against da man.

So Barry Soetoro really has to walk a tight rope, when shitting upon the country the way that he does. One step in either direction, black, white, could really drop that nigga cold.

HA HA HA , who I am kidding? That son of a bitch can do whatever he wants, and he will still come out on top, smelling like roses, because he is black and liberal. Birth issue, no problem. Racist church for 20 years, no problem. More spending than 700 Donald Trumps put together, no problem. Ramming social healthcare down our throats, no problem. Continuing the wars that he said that he would stop, no problem. Oil spill, no problem. Dvds's for British PM, no problem. Shitting on our ally Israel, no problem. Going to a party with Paul mccartney over placing memorial day wreath, no problem. Cling to guns and religion remark, no problem. Typical white person remark, no problem. on and on, no problem for this fine ass brotha.

Anonymous said...

Stuff Black People Don't Like:
NC prtotestors attacked