Sunday, March 7, 2010

#854. Dying People Impeding Fried Chicken Consumption

Running out of fried chicken is one thing. Running out of Chicken McNugget's at McDonald's is another. Being denied food at a restaurant that purports to be 365 Black is yet another grave nuisance. A finite supply of chicken wings is frowned upon as well.

Kentucky Fried Chicken promising free grilled chicken and reneging on that promise is an insult to Black people that nearly caused nationwide riots.

But Stuff Black People Don't Like finds dying people getting in the way of a Chicken Hut meal a greater tragedy than those mentioned above and one that must be calmly stepped over to avoid the cumbersome task of removing the dead body and receiving the tasty chicken:
Tulsa Police say out of numerous potential witnesses, only one person had any information to offer in a shooting overnight Sunday at the Chicken Hut restaurant, 1500 E. Apache.

The shooting victim, 27-year-old Valentino Verner, later died of his wounds at a Tulsa hospital.

Restaurant patrons even shoved past emergency workers, stepping over the victim to get their food.

Tulsa Police, firefighters and ambulance personnel responded to a call of shots fired at the restaurant at about 3 a.m.

They say when they arrived at the Chicken Hut, they found Verner lying on the ground in front of the restaurant's pick-up window.

He had been shot multiple times, according to Tulsa Police Sergeant Mike Eckert.

They had a difficult time getting through the crowd to provide aid to the victim, and no one was trying to help the injured man, Eckert said. People were instead stepping over Verner to get to their food orders.

Eckert said customers even shoved past emergency personnel as they went to the take out window.

After questioning the crowd, they found only one person – a relative of the victim - who had any information about the shooting. That man could only say the suspect was a man in a blue jacket with a hood.

"Exactly one person chose to call 911 to advise us of the shooting," Eckert said. He added that there were more than 100 people in the parking lot when emergency personnel arrived.

"Nobody wants to talk to us. No one wants to give us any information," he said.

Black people don't like snitches. Worse, Black people don't like dying people impeding their quest for chicken at Chicken Hut. Again, if these were isolated incidents without precedence, SBPDL would be hard pressed to find commonality between these fits of chicken induced hysteria.

They are not. Whether it is Popeye's running out of fried chicken, McDonald's customers deciding to exhibit 365 Black behavior at said franchise locations across the nation or KFC running out of grilled chicken, Black people find the urge to eat copious amounts of unhealthy poultry a goal no dying individual can keep them from attaining. All of these incidents have occurred in geographically diverse locations, which only further substantiate the stance taken here at SBPDL.

Kitty Genovese was a story of a dying woman whose screams for help went unheeded by scores of people who heard her plead for help. Valentino Verner's story has but one major correlation with Genovese's story: no one offered a hand of help to ensure that persons survival.

In the case of Genovese, the threat of having the mugger who repeatedly returned to stab her was enough to deter heroic intervention. In the case of Verner, the appeal of the intoxicating aroma of fried chicken was enough to ensure that no Black person denied themselves the indulgence of consuming Chicken Hut's value meal.

Stuff Black People Don't Like includes dying people impeding fried chicken consumption, for Black people will yield to no outside temptation once the notion of eating delicious chicken has entered their cerebral cortex. Even when there is no fried chicken left. Even when a dying man in the way of the line to get chicken at the Chicken Hut.

Let's hope to God that no dying bodies ever end up at Chicken Bone Beach in Pensacola.

A link to Youtube and the story can be found here.


Anonymous said...

I dont think they can help it.

Anonymous said...

TNB at its finest.

B Herder said...

Do they put some sort of narcotic in fried chicken that I don't know about? Something addictive like heroin or vicodin or something?
WHY on earth would a chicken joint have a hundred people at it (OK, maybe some lookie-loos) THREE-freekin'- O'clock in the morning?
I guess I should never underestimate the Power Of Chicken...

Porter said...

"Black people will yield to no outside temptation once the notion of eating delicious chicken has entered their cerebral cortex"

I have to say sometimes you turn a phrase like no one else. I got a good chuckle from that.

Though from a technical perspective I think the problem derives from the black CPU being incapable of multithreaded processing. In a civilized mind, the brain is able to efficiently allocate computational resources to various input threads, thus allowing ice people to process multiple external stimuli. In practice this means a logical progression something along the following:

Ice brain: I'm hungry. I'd like some tasty fried-chicken.

External stimulus: Rotting corpse appears in the doorway.

Ice Brain: I remain hungry though now I shall defer my gratification and attend to this body.

In contrast...

Sun Brain: Give me some chicken Mo&*er Fu@!er.

External Stimulus: Rotting corpse appears in the doorway.

Sun Brain: Give me some chicken Mo&*er Fu@!er.

Anonymous said...

I'll never live outside of a modern city like Los Angeles, but that must be some damn good chicken.

-Black guy

Anonymous said...

Don't worry,BG. I'm sure that the residents of Tulsa are content with long distance condescension regarding their living conditions,as opposed to the up-close-and-personal type they get when modern city dwellers have to stop there for things like fuel,eats,and the like.

Why us small-to-medium sized town citizens are still adjusting to things like lights you don't turn on with a kitchen match and internal combustion engines. I doubt we could handle the sudden enlightenment we'd get if someone from a modern city descended upon us without warning.

Anonymous said...

Brother be dead anyway...what da f***....dat chickin be talking to brain don't hear no logic when i can smells dat chickin. Fo realzil

Anonymous said...

Everyone eats chicken! Ignorant asses the news crew only show black folks but guess what! I have seen plenty of whites at KFC! I remember I seen Todd Manning from One life to live known as a popular soap opera. I’m black and yes my favorite food is not chicken its Pasta so does that make me Italian? This website should be called what’s black people’s stereo type.

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Anonymous said...

You will never, ever, ever, ever, ever , ever, ever, ever see a bunch of white people stepping over a dead body to get to fried chicken! Never! This is just disgusting! Don't even say that white people would do this cause me and you both know that would never happen even if hell froze over.

Something is seriously wrong in the black communities. Can you imagine if these people become 25% of the population instead of only 12?

Its gonna be worse the god damn west Nigeria. Already is in some spots apparently. Why can't blacks just admit we are different from them.