If you want to see what the real status of the United State's is and how your fellow countrymen wallow in the muck of avarice and cheap goods, journey to your local Wal-Mart and admire the people. However, be careful to avoid commandeering the Public Address (PA) system. If you decide to take on this usurp the authority granted to Wal-Mart employees and address your fellow patrons, you might find yourself the unwitting subject of national news coverage.
But, if you find yourself in Salisbury, North Carolina, you're advised to steer clear of the Wal-Mart entirely, lest you desire party to potentially being maimed over discounted candy:
Police aren't sure whether Walmart's prices were so good or if there was a shortage of chocolate rabbits.Now, those behind the algorithms and the analysis of buyer patterns that determine the low prices that Wal-Mart offers (such goods as Black dolls come to mind) aren't to be blamed for the candy aisle brawl that erupted in Salisbury.
Whatever the reason, seven women ended up in a brawl in the Easter basket aisle Saturday evening.
Candy eggs, rabbits and Peeps flew through the air in an unlikely Easter exchange.
Property damage, primarily to candy and Easter decorations, totalled nearly $800.
Salisbury Police responded to the Walmart at 323 Arlington St. around 7 p.m. Saturday.
The five officers separated the women into two groups — with each claiming the other group started the fight.
Unable to figure out who initiated the brawl, officers decided to charge all of those involved in the incident with public affray.
Those charged, whose ages range from 17 to 24, are Carolyn Elizabeth Chawlk, Carmeisha Shannell Mitchell, Samise Tyshon Mitchell, Kim Rochelle Williams Mashore, Latikgwa Nikia Williams, Tameika Shareece Drye and Tiffany Elaine Chambers.
The unmistakable Black names that color this story with hilarity and their desire to procure discounted candy are merely a coincidence, when compared to the riot by Black people that took the life of a Wal-Mart employee over the 2008 Black Friday.
Discounted candy from a reputable store such as Wal-Mart puts the reliability of freshness at an exponentially higher rate than the candy that can be obtained from the ever-present Dollar General or Dollar Store that find refuge in abandoned strip malls littering the landscapes of small towns.
No, it is of absolutely no coincidence that Black people decided to engage in a battle royal for the remaining sweet treats that were being sold for steep discounts.
We at Stuff Black People Don't Like have to ask: As the Royal Rumble for economically priced Easter candy waged in the makeshift ring of the Salisbury Wal-Mart by incensed Black patrons hoping to secure belated holiday sugar, did anyone have the temerity to request all Black people to leave the store?
More importantly, were the victors of the brawl-for-all the Cadbury in Salisbury forced to endure the insult of waiting at the back of line before the transaction for the hard fought candy was made?