Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Black History Month Heroes: Vox 114 from "The Time Machine"

In Christian Lander’s new book Whiter Shades of Pale he writes one of his better Stuff White People Like entries about trivia and white peoples love of displaying their intelligence in a nonthreatening, culturally unbiased setting where standardized tests, GRE, MCAT, GMAT, LSAT, AP scores and GPA’s are unnecessary as points of conversation.

Vox 114 would be great as the token Black for trivia night
Trivia nights at bars across the nation act as a dress code unto themselves, keeping out unwanted patrons who fear participating in a public game of knowledge for a free bar tab. Trivia nights at restaurants and bars act as Black kryptonite in the same manner that classical music played at places of business keep away unwanted shoppers.  

The hipster scene is full of brash know-it-alls, who when they aren’t saving the world through Teach for America as Crusading White Pedagogues delight in overwhelming their friends with archaic and obscure knowledge in an all-out-effort to appear sagacious and ensure their bar tab is paid for so they don’t have to sneak out the side door when no one is looking.

Go to a trivia night in any major city, regardless of the demographics. You’ll see a crowd whiter than the one at a Journey concert, friends combining their intelligence into a formidable, hilariously named team bent on defeating any and all challengers.

You see, trivia offers one of the few times that white people can revel in their intelligence, decision to stay in school and earn that graduate degree and be free – albeit momentarily – from the shackles of white guilt.

Questions asked by an overzealous trivia hosts make every trivia player feel that they could appear on Jeopardy! at that moment and dominate. That a token Black might be seated at one of opposing team’s tables is of trivial concern, for you have spent years preparing to showcase your mental acumen in an inconsequential game of trivia.

All for a free bar tab. Trivia night at a bar or restaurant offers the owner a night free of disturbances at their club, unless someone decides to question whether it really was the Moops who invaded Spain. All bets are off then.

It is a well-known fact that Black people don’t play board games – though some games have been invented with a Black and white theme – but less publicized is Black people’s aversion to shows like Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune and Family Feud.

Though trivia nights at restaurants and bars across the nation suffer from a paucity of Black participation, one movie decided to create a form of artificial intelligence (a fusion powered photonic) thankfully blessed with wit of Black actor Orlando Jones to dispel the disgusting stereotype that Black people aren’t good at trivia.
That movie was the forgettable 2002 film Time Machine.

His character, a holograph blessed with the compendium of all human knowledge, is a highly intelligent and sardonic Black guy:
Seeing that one means of Emma's death has been replaced by another, Alexander goes to May 24, 2030 to find out whether her life can be saved. At the New York Public Library, a holographic AI librarian called Vox 114 (Jones) insists that time travel is impossible, so Alexander continues into the future until August 20, 2037, when the accidental destruction of the Moon renders the Earth virtually uninhabitable.
Though Jeopardy, high school and college quiz bowl teams and trivia games are blessed ever so-often with the token Black, the majority of these activities are deemed culturally bias and therefore the inexcusable exclusion of Black participants is unjust and unfair.

Thankfully Hollywood has created a Vox 114 holograph that could win any trivia contest and also that elusive free bar tab. A Black Fictional Hero we can all be proud of, even though it displays all the characteristics of a pedantic, pretentious, pontificating SWPL type one would encounter at a trivia event.

The Time Machine may have been a horrendous car wreck that destroyed Guy Pearce’s marketability in the United States, but it gave us the Vox 114. Deep Blue, eat your heart out.

Though Bernard from Jeopardy (who had a whopping -3,000 for Final Jeopardy) might not be the best trivia teammate. 



15 comments:

Lucinda said...

You've just got to post a clip of the South Park "Wheel of Fortune" episode. "Naggers, yeah, right..."

Billy Blanks said...

"compendium of all human knowledge, is a highly intelligent and sardonic Black guy"

What is the issue (or irrational fixation) with black people in movies? Its a work of fiction. Its not a representation of reality. There are no time machines in the real world for example.

Why can't people enjoy a movie and stop seeing race in everything?

Anonymous said...

"It is a well-known fact that Black people don’t play board games – though some games have been invented with a Black and white theme – but less publicized is Black people’s aversion to shows like Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune and Family Feud."

If this is true, why is that 9/10 there're blacks on Wheel of Fortune and Family Feud everday? I do admit that blacks don't appear of Jeopardy as often as they do on other shows, but there have been many of times when I've seen blacks on the show.

This "hate opinion" (not "hate fact" because there's nothing factual about it)is another ridiculous attempt by you to claim what blacks don't like. Now, I just have to say that there's no way you're ever going to know what blacks like and hate.

We are not all alike. Being black has nothing to do with the way you talk, walk, or act. It's not what's desrcibed on this blog or on tv. It's simply having the color black, brown, or whatever combination of colors on your skin.

Anyway, do you even watch these shows? If so, then I'm surprised by your disfuctional memory.

You Get What You Get

Harold "Harry" White said...

"Why can't people enjoy a movie and stop seeing race in everything?"

Oscar Wilde and Aristotle used to remark about life imitating art and art imitating life. If that is the case, "art" is constantly disrespected in the name of "blackness".

There is a reason that Roots, Dolemite and the Jeffersons are well-loved and remembered before Akeelah and the Bee, Pluto Nash or any Morgan Freeman movie where he tries to do his best Sidney Poitier impression. There's a reason that black science fiction doesn't sell major numbers at bookstores like black "thug romance" novels do. That same reason is that art imitates life and blacks relate to art that relates to them.

It's how BET stayed in business for so long and Tyler Perry continues to be monetarily successful by doing the same things over and over. Black lives are depressed and worthless enough and "depressive" black art sells. Roots, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, The Color Purple and other "black depression" films are the reality that many of us whites know and many blacks know as well. You can't expect people to suspend their logic when you and I both know that Magic Negroes never happen.

Then again, Steve Urkel was called a "coon" and he was a positive, if not clumsy, role model. The Bill Cosby Show was considered "unrealistic" and he's considered a Uncle Tom now. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine was the worst rated Star Trek franchise for a while.

Fact is, the real life of black folks is nowhere near what is shown on television or film and you people don't even believe it or support it yourselves. So why should we entertain it when most of you don't do the same?

Hirsch said...

"Being black has nothing to do with the way you talk, walk, or act. It's not what's desrcibed on this blog or on tv. It's simply having the color black, brown, or whatever combination of colors on your skin."

This statement is correct, yet there are two groups of people who refuse to acknowledge this, and they post with little frequency on this site. The first is white liberals. In the 1960s, when "negro" was out and "black" was in, it was primarily white literary critics who said Richard Wright's "Native Son," was authentically black in a way that Ralph Ellison was not. Ellison's "Invisible Man," was more cultured, like James Baldwin's characters who enjoyed Shakespeare and Mozart. These latter blacks were not "keeping it real."

The other group who deems what is and isn't authentically black would be blacks themselves. comedian Brian Copeland wrote a book and one man show about this called "Not a Genuine Black Man," where he talked about how, after a TV appearance, he received hate mail from blacks, one a black female saying "When I hear your voice on television I am disgusted because you do not sound like a genuine black man."

If You Get What You Get has a problem with blackness being defined by anything other than skin color, he got the problem that he got from other blacks.

Anonymous said...

I thought we were talking about fiction...isn't Dolemite a documentary? ;-)

Anonymous said...

"Its not a representation of reality."

That's the whole point of fictional black heroes.

They are pure fantasy, not representative of reality.

Anonymous said...

HONESTLY, i am not interested in any tv show, film or short story that showcases blacks as the leader or hero. I will not pay to see a film, watch a television show or participate in any revenue generating operation that benefits congoloids. Perception is reality? I think NOT.

Anonymous said...

"We are not all alike."

Blacks who dare to have their own opinion are called Uncle Toms.

Anonymous said...

"Being black has nothing to do with the way you talk, walk, or act. It's not what's desrcibed on this blog or on tv. It's simply having the color black, brown, or whatever combination of colors on your skin. "

Oh dear God, please tell this to your black brethren. They will call you a coon and Uncle Tom if you dare talk white, walk white, or act white.

Do you live in a cave, Gettin' What I Be Gettin'"

Anonymous said...

SBPDL did your team have to pay for the PBR's again last night? Just kidding. My law school friends and I fare pretty well in our local trivia tavern. On those nights it's kind of funny that they don't even have to enforce the ban on baseball caps and sports jerseys.

Anonymous said...

"Do you live in a cave, Gettin' What I Be Gettin'"

Your attempts at humor and insult are amusing and pathetic. It only goes to show how "creative" you people really are. This goes for everyone else who alters the posters name on here. And while I'm at it, I think I'll call you Original as your nickname.

You Get What You Get

Stuff Black People Don't Like said...

Law School anon,

The only reason I enjoy trivia nights is the fellowship of friends and the genuine laughs I get from hearing other team names. Always go with Coors Light: PBR is a hipster drink!

Trivia is a fun way to hang out with friends and I noticed a few years ago that the places we would go had not one Black participant. These were nice bars/clubs and normally a few Black people would be there.

Trivia just drives them away.

Don said...

I concur SBPDL

I have a 23 year old daughter that hosts live trivia at one of our local sports bars every Wendesday night. In the more than a year she has been doing it I've NEVER seen any blacks participate!...In fact when she starts any blacks there usually get up & leave!.....

It's almost always an all white affair (have seen a few Asians), & it is oh-so nice!!.

D J said...

I wonder when Trivial Pursuit will, like certain movies, TV series, and Warner Bros cartoons, will be banned because it's racist?