#261. Dying First in Film

 There exists an unwritten rule in cinema: The Black character always dies first in the movie. Whether the film is action, drama, a love story or a psychological thriller, the Black character always dies first.

In the horror genre, this rule is normally pursued vigorously, as the Black person in the movie is of minor concern to the overall plot of the story. Having the antagonist of the film quickly kill off the Black person is a constructive way to make the viewer automatically lose all sympathy toward the villain.

The preponderance of Magical Negroes in film has assured the conditioning of movie-goers into believing all Black characters possess the innate ability to impact the hero/heroine positively, thus the sudden decimation of the Black character is grounds for instantaneous animosity toward the movie monster.

Black characters provide comic relief, for their all-too-brief time on the screen. Appearing to deliver a few stereotypical Black lines and enhance the compulsory diversity to the film, the Black character is the most easily disposable.

The demise of the Black character is highly memorable; normally the introducing the bad guy of the film in a most gory manner and helping setting the stage for the carnage that will inevitably ensue.

So in manner of speaking, the Black character is incredibly important to the overall film, their death signifying to the viewer that the movie is beginning to enter the actual noteworthy moments of the narrative.

Black Horror Movies (Blackhorrormovies.com) is Web site devoted to tracking and educating people on this cinematic phenomenon:

"No way. I've seen this movie. The black dude dies first."
-Professor Harry Phineas Block (Orlando Jones), Evolution 

"Ooh, I'm done! Brothers never make it out of situations like this!"
-Sherman "Preacher" Dudley (LL Cool J), Deep Blue Sea
 

"Did you know that the black guy doesn't always die first?"
-sinister email, The Mangler 2

"Everybody knows black guys get it first in horror movies. It's like Horror Films 101."
-Elvis (Raymond Novarro Smith), Bloody Murder 2

So you're watching a horror movie when he comes on screen. He could be a jock, a nerd, or a smelter in a haunted copper factory, but you just know he's gonna wind up on the short end of the meat hook. Why? Because he's black. You feel guilty for thinking it, but this scenario is so recognizable that it's become a joke. In fright films, being black has become as much a kiss of death as having sex, doing drugs, or saying, "Is anyone there?"

The theatrical device of killing off the Black character has become a crutch that writers and directors have used for far too long, ruining many films from having more Magical Negroes to help navigate the main characters safely through the film and into the inevitable sequel. Black people even recognize the danger they face in film recognizing the patterns that have emerged of Black characters meeting a grisly fate.

How many potential Fictional Black History Month Heroes have been unfairly snuffed out early in a film thanks to the strict and rigid application of this unwritten rule?

The illustrious list of Black thespians who have died in films is long and distinguished but demonstrates the sheer disposability of the characters they played.

Integral to the story only because of the significance their death entails, Black characters are begrudgingly one-dimensional and undeveloped. It is only in the pleas for help and agonizing final seconds of their screen time that the viewer feels any emotion for them.

In horror films, Black actors need only two things: Their Blackness and the ability to die. Some Black characters do survive films, but these brave and lucky souls are the exception to the unwritten rule.

Sadly, there is no truth to the rumor that Black people being loud at movies began when they would attempt to implore the Black character about to meet a grim ending to "go the other away" or "look out behind you."

The moral of the story is that Black characters are incredibly unimportant to the movies success, with only a handful of bankable Black stars in Hollywood that can be called upon to carry a film to profitability.

Easily disposable, the Black character’s involvement in film is a mere formality that eerily mirrors real-life Black people’s existence. Life is cheap in the proverbial ghetto, where Black-on-Black crime is shockingly more prevalent then the Black character dying first in a movie.

Stuff Black People Don’t Like includes dying first in film. Is this unwritten rule a parody of Black life in the ghetto, an acknowledgment by Hollywood of the propensity for Black people to be deplorably denied a full and rich life by Black hands or is it just a re-occurring theme because the Black character has so little impact on the overall story?

#235. Playing Baseball

"If you build it, he will come," so spoke the ghost of "Shoeless" Joe Jackson in the classic, Pre-Obama America film "Field of Dreams".

The movie showcases America's pastime - baseball - and the deep connection the sport has with Pre-Obama America; the ritual of playing catch with your father; and the dreams that remain crystallized forever when you step onto the baseball diamond, memories so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces.

For Black people however, the film "Field of Dreams" reminds them of all that they were deprived of when they were denied playing in Major League Baseball and were forced to play in the Negro Leagues.

Also, the game of baseball has completely lost its popularity among young Black people, as Major League Baseball (MLB) find itself with less than nine percent of its players Black people:

"When the Red Sox became the final major league team to integrate in 1959 by signing Pumpsie Green, nearly 1-in-5 major leaguers was black. As recently as 1983, the ratio was better than 1-in-4.

Now the figure is closer to 1-in-12.

A report from the University of Central Florida’s Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport found that American or non-Hispanic blacks made up only 8.4 percent of major league rosters in 2006. Whites made up 59.5 percent, Hispanics (a group that includes Americanborn Hispanics, blacks from Spanish-speaking countries and others from Latin America) made up 29.4 percent and Asians 2.4 percent.

The percentage of American blacks was the lowest in 27 years.

Further, American blacks held just three of 30 manager positions, one of 30 general manager positions, and 31 of 519 vice president and senior administration positions. There were no American black CEOs or majority owners.

A list compiled by ESPN. com revealed that 69 out of 750 active players (not including the disabled list) on opening day this year were American blacks. Neither Houston nor Atlanta – cities that are 25 and 61 percent black, respectively – had a single American black."

White people, who make up roughly 66 percent of the United States population, are underrepresented in the major leagues, but Black people, who make up roughly 13 percent of the United States population, are slightly underrepresented (considering how many Black males between the ages of 18-35 are in prison, its amazing that the MLB has even that many Black people).

Recently, the 2005 edition of the Houston Astros made it all the way to the World Series and shockingly they did it without the help any Black people:

"Joe Morgan (Black guy) worries about the face of baseball. Watching the World Series, the Hall of Famer is troubled by what he sees.

His old team, the Houston Astros, is down 2-0 to the Chicago White Sox, but it's not their lineup that concerns Morgan. It's their makeup.

The Astros are the first World Series team in more than a half-century with a roster that doesn't include a single black player.

"Of course, I noticed it. How could you not?" Morgan said while the Astros took batting practice before the opener in Chicago. "But they're not the only ones. There are two or three teams that didn't have any African-American players this year."

Morgan said it's a predicament and a challenge for Major League Baseball. While more players from around the world are making it to the majors -- Japan, Korea, for example -- the number of blacks is declining.

"It's a daunting task to get African-American kids into baseball, and I don't see the trend changing," he said.

The last World Series team without a black player was the 1953 New York Yankees. It wasn't until 1955 -- eight years after Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in 1947 -- that Elston Howard became the first black in Yankee pinstripes."

The Negro Leagues Major League Baseball ain't, as every effort to attract young Black people to the game are underway with the MLB's Inner-City Initiative, as the growing problem of few Black people on the 25-man rosters for MLB teams is a threat to all that is good about America.

Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, Jim Rice and Jackie Robinson are all names that baseball fans know and respect, but recent Black players in baseball haven't conjured up the same images of the Black baseball heroes of the past:

"According to a report from CNNMoney.com, black baseball players total a meager 8 percent of all the leagues players many people involved in baseball have speculated as to why this is so, players and analysts alike. Gary Sheffield of the Detroit Tigers suggests that the rise in the number of Latino players has a direct correlation to the drop in the leagues overall percentage of black players. He was quoted as saying, ... Its about being able to tell Latin players what to do being able to control them ...Where I'm from, you can't control us... So, if you're equally good as this Latin player, guess who's going to get sent home The Twins Tori Hunter also suggested that it makes more economic sense to pay for a Hispanic player that costs 2,000 than a black player that cost 2 million.

This issue perhaps best relates to the perception of black players in the eyes of the media some of the more prominent black baseball players arent always shown in the best light. Barry Bonds is demonized solely on steroid allegations and his unwillingness to oblige the media. Gary Sheffield is often looked upon as a malcontent, simply because hes opinionated. Tori Hunter may have been viewed as culturally insensitive for his shortsighted comments regarding Hispanic players and baseball economics. All of this may have an unintended consequence, as it would appear that the black youth of America could someday be lacking appropriate black male athletes to emulate."

Hmm... Black youth not emulating Black male athletes? As Michael Vick Haters taught us, too late for that idea.

Interestingly, MLB players like Doc Goodin, Daryl Strawberry and Barry Bonds have done wonders for removing from baseball purists minds the lily-white images of the "glory days" of baseball that were depicted in "Field of Dreams", as that movie indicates the only diversity people want on the ball field is of the European variety (there does exist speculation that Babe Ruth was the first great Black home run hitter, but SBPDL will leave that for you to decide).

What are some reasons for the lack of Black people playing baseball? Here is a list:

--As youth programs dried up the past three decades, basketball courts offered an inexpensive substitute. Then the NBA exploded in popularity.

"Dr. J came along, then Magic Johnson and then Michael Jordan. They got icons that transcended the sport," Solomon said. ". . . It's like golf with Tiger Woods. Tiger didn't save golf. But he made it cool."

--Despite initiatives such as the Reviving Baseball in Inner Cities (RBI) program and the Urban Youth Academy in Compton, Calif., many believe Major League Baseball still has not done enough to penetrate America's inner cities. Hank Aaron called on baseball to do more in June to increase participation.

--Baseball's marketing lags behind the NFL and NBA, especially when it comes to exposing its young, black stars, some players said.

"You look at the TV, you see LeBron (James) and you see Kobe (Bryant)," Sabathia said. "You don't see Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins or these guys out there."

--College baseball programs have just 11.7 scholarships to offer, meaning most players do not get free rides -- or even 50 percent scholarships -- unlike football (85 full scholarships) and basketball (13 full scholarships).

--Baseball has been a game passed down from father to son for generations. The absence of fathers in urban communities may have fractured that link.

"Baseball is a sport where you have to have a dad to teach you how to play catch, and a dad to be there with you to teach you the game," Sabathia said. "There's not a lot of dads in the community these days just for whatever reason."

--The increasing importance of travel teams on youth development may prevent working class and poor families from participating.

--The influx of new ballparks has fueled rising ticket prices, putting the game out of reach for many families. The cost of the average ticket rose 5 percent in 2009 to $26.64, according to the Team Marketing Report. The Fan Cost Index, which measures the cost to take a family of four to a game, including food and parking, rose 3.2 percent to $196.79.

Of course, the real reason so few Black people play baseball is for the same reason Stuff Black People Don't Like includes Father's Day, since nearly 80 percent of Black people are born out of wedlock.

Black people find baseball boring for a few reasons that most people don't want to consider: not because the average MLB game lasts three hours, but because the average MLB game is incredibly boring. Black people don't like baseball, not because there is no beer served after the 7th inning, but because there are so few Black players to cheer for in the first place.

Of course, some Black people still believe racism is the problem behind everything and is always the bogeyman behind every evil action of white people:

"An angry Milton Bradley lashed out at his treatment from Cubs fans Wednesday, suggesting he has been the victim of racial abuse at Wrigley Field.

But Bradley declined to give specifics, saying no one wanted to listen to him.

"America doesn't believe in racism," he said sarcastically before repeating the remark.

Speaking to beat writers in the Cubs clubhouse Wednesday before their 9-4 victory over the Nationals, Bradley was asked to clarify his comments from Tuesday night, when he said he faced "hatred" on a daily basis.

To what exactly was Bradley referring?

"I'm talking about hatred, period," he said. "I'm talking about when I go to eat at a restaurant, I have to listen to the waiters bad-mouthing me at another table, sitting in a restaurant, that's what I'm talking about -- everything."

Milton Bradley might be booed by white people, because it is only white people who go to MLB games anymore. He might not get good service at restaurants, because he is a bad tipper, another SBPDL.

Worse, Jackie Robinson, the man who integrated baseball and has an entire day -April 15 - for his honor, can't catch a break anymore, according to Black MLB player Tori Hunter:

"Jackie Robinson was special, and I don’t think a lot of players know what they’re wearing his number for. I think some players are wearing it because the teams want them to wear it. I don’t think they know what’s behind the number.

You don’t have to be African-American to know what he went through. You’ve just got to be a smart person or a person who knows what pain is like.

For the past 10 years, I’ve been called the N-word, like, 20 times. Not in Minnesota. In Kansas City. In Boston.

I think Jackie Robinson went through a lot just for us to play this game. Had he not gone through that, we probably wouldn’t be playing this game. I probably wouldn’t be here today.

Rondell White was going to wear Jackie Robinson’s number, too, but he’s on the disabled list. And Jerry White will wear it. They represent Jackie Robinson, too.

What bugged me was that Houston doesn’t have a black player . . . and this might not be true at all, but, in my opinion, I feel like everybody (on the Astros) is wearing it because they don’t have a black player. A lot of teams are wearing it, and they barely have black players."

SBPDL has tried to tell everyone that Black people will not be happy until everything in America is 100 percent Black. You can't make Black people play baseball and you can' put Black people on baseball teams, just because they are Black. Sorry Mr. Hunter, that is not how it works, as sports are the ultimate test of talent and affirmative action policies don't work on the playing field.

Stuff Black People Don't Like includes baseball, for "Field of Dreams" shows the ultimate fantasy of baseball fans and it simply to another catch with Dad, a sensation that most Black people never felt in the first place. Also, the movie shows what most Black people believe about white people anyway, that they would like to watch only white people play sports.

Baseball will always be a Pre-Obama America game. As the game fades in popularity and relevance, so does the majority population that built America. Baseball is still seen as a white thing, and remember, SBPDL includes Acting White for a reason.

#82. Jokes at Their Expense

Black people are an extremely proud race of people. They look at each other with solidarity and have an intense structural endogamy that helps to create an intense brotherhood, which helps them traverse the polluted waters of American race relations in post-Obama America. Take for instance the recent decision to welcome the whitened Michael Jackson back into the tent of Blackness and universal brotherhood, most eloquently defined by Jamie Foxx at the BET awards:

"We want to celebrate this black man - he belongs to us - and we shared him with everybody else....It don't matter what he looked like ... what his nose looked like ... it was what he sounded like,....Who was the best?" [the audience]"Michael!"

Regardless of how strange or bizarre Black people might behave, the principle of Black unity will always outweigh the criminal wrongdoing of an individual Black person, when the sanctity of the race is at stake.

Take for instance OJ Simpson, a man who most people believe brutally murdered two people and subsequently was acquitted of any wrong-doing. After the acquittal, Black people were filmed celebrating this monsters release back into the world. Why? Because Black people believe in solidarity and will never waver from a racial cohesion. Black racial pride is almost an oxymoron (this principle will be explored in a later post).

Keeping this principle in mind, Black people take great offense at the slightest joke at their expense and view an attack on one as an attack on all Black people. Any joke or mention of an obvious stereotype around a Black person, and you will soon be in the cross-hairs of all Black people.

Even some Black comedians get in trouble with other Black people. Take Chris Rock for instance, a popular comic with both white and Black people. His famous niggas vs. Black people skit makes all Black people cringe, despite the fact that he is lampooning a significant segment of the Black population (see Black KKK article in Playboy). Rock states:

"You think I've got 3 guns in my house 'cause the media outside? When I go to the money machine tonight, alright, I ain't looking over my back for the media: I'm looking for niggas!"

Even Bill Cosby got in trouble with the Black community for daring to point out the obvious, when it came to the ssubstandard levels of fatherhood and utter thugdom that was and is being practiced in the Black community. He wasn't even joking, but was discussing facts, which Black people like to call "hate facts", because they disparage the Black community.

Black people, being a proud race that is resentful of any outside criticism - especially from white people - will protest any joke that is told about them as racist and intolerant. Racial humor, which is allowed and encouraged by Black people from Richard Pryor to Dave Chappelle, is a major no-no when conducted by white people towards any allegedly oppressed people, because it is a continuation of cultural imperialism.

Take for instance the epitome of white people - in Hollywood's eye - Michael Scott of the TV show The Office. In an early episode he gets in trouble for performing the Chris Rock skit:

Kevin: Basically, there are two types of black people. And black people are actually more racist, because they hate the other type of black people. See, every time the one type wants to have a good time, then the other type comes in and makes a real mess...

Michael: (unable to remain sitting and quiet) I'm, okay, I'm, I'm sorry, (looks at Mr. Brown) I'm sorry, he's ruin.., he's butchering it. I, I'm, could you just let me, every time, (starts impression) EVERY TIME BLACK PEOPLE WANNA HAVE A GOOD TIME, SOME IDIOT ASS...(BLEEP)

Mr. Brown: Whoa, whoa, whoa now.

Michael: I TAKE CARE OF MY KID! (BLEEP)

Mr. Brown: Wait, wait, wait a second, you don't need to go there. Okay? Please stop it, stop it, stop it, please stop...

Michael: THEY ALWAYS WANT CREDIT FOR SOMETHING THEY SUPPOSED TO DO.

Mr. Brown: STOP IT!!!!

Jokes about anything that would resemble a negative stereotype of Black people is forbidden by anyone, even by someone in the Black community. Take for instance the horrible thought Black people can't swim. The CDC reports that:

"The Centers for Disease Control lists blacks as an at-risk group for drowning. A CDC study found that blacks drown at a rate 1.25 times higher than whites. Black children between the ages of five and 19 drown at a rate 2.3 times higher than white children in the same age bracket do."

Despite facts that back up "jokes" and create stereotypes in the first place, Black people find any attack on one, an attack on them all. Black people are extremely monolithic in thought and the best advice when dealing with Black people is to refrain from any type of jocular speech, which can be misconstrued as hate, when you are in their company. Stuff Black People Don't Like will always include jokes at their expense.

#57. Father's Day

Black people love holidays so much, that they have created a number of them that are only for Black people. Kwanzaa, Juneteenth Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day and of course, the entire month of February, are all events and holidays that Black people love to celebrate.

One holiday exists that Black people do feel uncomfortable with and by and large tend to skip celebrating it entirely: Father's Day.

Like the shunned Black kid who tries hard in class and is deemed "acting white" by his peers, Father's Day is a holiday that many Black people deem "too white" to celebrate.

These statistics illustrate why Black people don't like Father's Day:

"In 2001, according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4 percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites. African American women are the least likely in our society to marry. In the period between 1970 and 2001, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined by 17 percent; but for blacks, it fell by 34 percent."

President Barack Obama wrote an entire book dedicated to his deadbeat father, Barack Sr., and he recently came under a lot of fire in the Black community for taking deadbeat fathers to task for being, well deadbeats.

Statistics show that more than 70 percent of African-Americans are born out of wedlock.

June Perry tells us that:

"Many black women don't have a large pool of candidates for marriage due to social realities." Reasons for the limited pool include lack of employment, incarceration rates, and the general reluctance of black women to marry outside their race are highlighted."

Bill Cosby, America's favorite fictional sitcom father who helped create the (fictitious) image of the loving Black family in the 1980s, has got in a lot of hot water with the Black community for daring to criticize Black men.

Casey Gane-McCalla writes:

"Just like Jackie Robinson, Bill Cosby has paved the way for America to accept an African American in their household, and even the White House. The Huxtables not only humanized African American families and showcased professional African Americans, but it allowed Americans of all backgrounds to admire a black family...

In 1982 ... the images of African Americans in the media were mostly criminals, raunchy comedians, and blacksploitation movie stars. TV shows like Good Times and the Jeffersons showed Africans Americans as hard working and funny but without any professional polish."

The problem, outside of the largely media created image of Barack Obama as the perfect emblem of fatherhood and manliness - for whites as well as Blacks - Black people are largely defined by criminality, raunchy comedians and movie stars that are movie stars because they are black.

With a nearly 75 percent out of wedlock birthrate, Black people are raised primarily by their mothers. Cosby - who created the false image of a happy Black family - took Black people to task over their hatred of anything that can be deemed "acting white":

"No longer is a person embarrassed because they’re pregnant without a husband...No longer is a boy considered an embarrassment if he tries to run away from being the father of the unmarried child...Ladies and gentlemen, listen to these people. They are showing you what’s wrong … What part of Africa did this come from? We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans. They don’t know a damned thing about Africa— with names like Shaniqua, Shaligua, Mohammed, and all that crap, and all of them are in jail.”

Dr. Huxtable was attacked by the Black community for daring to bring to the light the idea that Black people aren't good fathers, and that Black people don't care about their community. How dare he do such a thing!

Black people care about their communities a lot. The Atlantic Monthly magazine reports:

"Blacks are 13 percent of the population, yet black men account for 49 percent of America’s murder victims and 41 percent of the prison population. The teen birth rate for blacks is 63 per 1,000, more than double the rate for whites. In 2005, black families had the lowest median income of any ethnic group measured by the Census, making only 61 percent of the median income of white families.

Judging by the state of the Black father in the Black community, one can only conclude that Obama was talking to Black people in a recent Parade article:

"Our children can tell. They know when we’re not fully there. And that disengagement sends a clear message—whether we mean it or not—about where among our priorities they fall."

Stuff Black People Don't Like obviously must include Father's Day. It's a holiday that is just too white, and Black people do everything possible to refrain from acting white. Thus, the reasoning behind not liking Father's Day.. it's too white a day.