#208. Running Out of Chicken Wings

Latarian Milton, the seven-year-old from hell that makes the Problem Child look like one of the Brady Bunch kids, is back to show the world yet another example of Stuff Black People Don't Like.

Milton is the same child that was discussed in #198. Waiting until 16th Birthday for Drivers License. He stole his grandmothers car and took it on a joyride, injuring many and telling the reporter that he did it, because:

"I like to do bad things."

Milton is back in the news now, this time for hitting his grandmother for not buying him chicken wings at the local Wal-Mart. Just like, running out of Fried Chicken and Grilled Chicken, Black people do not like running out of chicken wings. Especially Milton, who really hates being deprived of anything, whether it be the keys to his grandmothers rental car, or chicken wings at Wal-Mart.

His grandmother said, of the incident:

"He just started hitting me in front of the whole Wal-Mart, and everyone in there was upset. In my stomach, in my legs--wherever he could reach me, that's where he hit me."

Milton, like all Black people, do not like to be deprived of food (remember the woman who called 911 when she did not get her McNuggets). Black people need the nourishment of chicken, whether it be grilled, fried or in wing form. They will beat their own grandmother if deprived of that food.

#6. Tipping

One of the many secrets that Black people never wanted to be shared with the masses is their complete and utter disdain for tipping. Black people are intrinsically opposed to parting with their money - one of the reasons they love to shop for the elusive 100 percent discounted item - and find it deplorable to have to leave a gratuity for the menial vocation of fetching and serving them their food and beverage.

Black people have developed these views from the many centuries of slave labor they were forced to perform, not only for White people in the United States, but for Muslims in the Ottoman Empire and for their fellow Black people in Africa - of which, many Black people profited enormously by selling their fellow Black people to White people.

Historically, being a slave meant doing horrible jobs for long periods of day and Black people were never tipped for their services rendered to their owner. Thus, Black people have formed an evolutionary hatred of parting with any money above the designated amount due for their meal.

Tipping is antithetical to Black people's eating out habits. Evolutionary psychology has produced an entire race of people who are incredibly parsimonious with their money and are niggardly when it comes to dispensing even five percent to a hardworking server.

One of the most prominent Black people , basketball player LeBron James, epitomizes the Black person who leaves porous tips. He makes roughly $15 million a year, but for a bill that came to $800, he left a mere $10 dollar tip.

The story goes as follows:

"It went down like this: LeBron pulls up in his Mercedes outside XO. People stop and try not to stare, but c’mon, it’s LeBron James. He enters the restaurant with a group of friends. On this special occasion, the King decides to dine late. He keeps his group there until around 3:45 a.m. During this time the waiter obsequiously pours drinks and fetches anything else His Greatness needs.

The final bill comes to $800. By the feudal laws of decorum, which stipulate that the affluent should administer a 20 percent gratuity, staffers figured they’d be pocketing an extra $160. But when they fetched the autographed bill after His Heinousness bolted back to Akron, their expectation turned to disbelief, then anger.
LeBron stiffed them with a meager $10 tip."

This is not an isolated incident. Jeff Large, a Black columnist in lily-white Seattle, wrote a column about Black tipping and the reality of the problem. He too realizes that his fellow Black people are horrible tippers.

Large writes:

"It wasn't long ago that laws changed to allow black people into businesses that would not have permitted us before, and we weren't always welcomed warmly.
Many black folks weren't up to speed on the culture of restaurant dining as it is practiced in more affluent communities. Surveys find an attitude difference too, as black folks wonder why restaurants don't just pay their help a decent salary to begin with."

He goes on to add:

"...One waiter said, "... all the servers I work with hate having to wait on minorities, Black people, in particular, (and over half or our wait staff is Black!!!)."

Cornell University's School of Hotel Administration did a study on tipping and found that a major divide in tipping between Black people and White people does exist.

NPR reports that:

"The study found that 63 percent of blacks and 30 percent of whites didn't understand that the standard restaurant tip in the United States is 15 to 20 percent."

Those who work in the service industry and come upon a group of Black people in your section are forewarned: Stuff Black People Don't Like includes tipping. Regardless of your serving skills, even LeBron James might stiff you. Odds are, like all Black people and their reluctance to leave a gratuity, he will.

#500. Running out of McNuggets (Reader Submitted idea)

Stuff Black People Don't Like is a new web-zine, dedicated to enlightening not only the United States, but the entire world on Stuff Black People Don't Like. However, due to the enormity of the task, we sometimes require outside help.

One reader suggested a recurring theme in our growing list, as Black people are morbidly afraid of running out of McDonald's Chicken McNuggets. Just like #207 and #206, Black people - when confronted with a dearth of their favorite food - are forced to some desparate measures. In the case of McDonald's lack of compacted chicken parts into a delcious nugget of nubian palatal bliss, it requires police inspection.

Latreasa Goodman called the police - three times - in an attempt to regain her money for the lack of McNuggets. Once the cops arrived, Goodman stated:

"This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one... I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets."

The police, nor McDonald's, were amused and Goodman was arrested. Resolute to the end, she said,

"This is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency."

Black people do not like having their daily rations of culinary delights denied and as Stuff Black People Don't Like will continue to address, it is wise try and stave off the wrath of a fast-food deprived Black person.

# 207. Running out of Fried Chicken

Black people are a very fascinating subject matter and are easily agitated when a staple food is removed from their diet. As this video portrays so succinctly, running out of fried chicken is hazardous to the black palate. From Rochester, New York, the popular fast food chain Popeyes, has run out of fried chicken and subsequently, chaos ensues.

The newscast included in this post does a wonderful job of delineating the complexities of black life without fried chicken. Black people fear running out of fried chicken, and in the words of one gentlemen who is quite upset at the prospect of a fried chicken-less night, "I'll never come back here."

Fried chicken is a vital portion of the black diet and as this video shows, black people don't like running out of fried chicken.