Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Fifth Day of Christmas at SBPDL- Not Getting Air Jordan XI

Have you seen the Christmas classic, Jingle All the Way? The film is all about finding that perfect toy for Christmas and yet, when the nefarious God of supply and demand steps in to annihilate those seemingly wonderful plans before they come to fruition, hilarity ensues:
"Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a workaholic mattress salesman, who has a hard time finding time for his wife, Liz (Rita Wilson) and his young son, Jamie (Jake Lloyd) - especially when compared to next door superdad divorce, Ted Maltin (Phil Hartman). After breaking his word again by missing Jamie's karate grading (from yellow to purple), Howard resolves to redeem himself and his marriage by fulfilling Jamie's ultimate Christmas wish, an action figure of Turbo-Man, a popular children's TV superhero.

Unfortunately, as is the habit with him, Howard had promised to buy that figure earlier that year and then promptly forgotten about it. To make things even harder, Turbo-Man toys are the must-have gifts of the season, and stocks of Turbo-Man toys are quickly drying up all over the country. Desperate not to disappoint his family again, Howard embarks on an epic quest through Minneapolis on Christmas Eve to find the toy everyone's looking for."
This year, Black people across the nation found themselves in the unfortunate situation that Arnold's fictitious character was presented with, as the Turbo Man doll was substituted for the real-life dilemma of locating precious Air Jordan XI:
"The new Space Jam Air Jordans went on sale today, with local stores reporting crowds of people trying to snatch up the retro shoes in time for Christmas.

"A handful of Foot Action and Foot Locker stores said customers filled their stores at 7 buy the Air Jordan 11 (Air Jordan XI) Retro shoe. An hour later, the buyers -- and the shoes -- were gone.

The shoe is selling for $175.

An employee at the Foot Locker store on Campbellton Road that was burglarized early Tuesday said the thieves did not get any of his store's supply of Space Jam Jordans.

He said the store was jammed this morning with customers buying the new Jordans.

The line stretched down Decatur Street when Walter's opened at 8:30 a.m.

Store owner Jeff Steinbook, who counts numerous professional athletes among his customers, said he sold 44 pairs of the new shoes within minutes. He only had a handful of larger sizes left an hour later."

We already have learned that Black people don't like to brave the end of the line, and the chance to put a pair of Michael Jordan sneakers (retail price around $175.00) were yet another shining example of SBPDL:
"SACRAMENTO, CA -- The riot inside Arden Fair Mall caused quite a stir among those looking to purchase the new Nike Air Jordan's.

Surveillance video from just after midnight Wednesday caught footage of the fight that broke out in the line of fans waiting for the new basketball shoes.

There were no arrests and the crowd eventually dispersed.

Many of those unable to purchase the shoes at Arden Fair regrouped outside the Westfield Downtown Plaza on K Street."

Houston, Texas was home to similar scenes of euphoric Black people diligently scrambling to locate Air Jordan's, in scenes eerily reminiscent of Arnold Schwarzenegger's character from Jingle All the Way.

As the hottest foot ornament on the market, the Air Jordan XI also have the notoriety of being one of the only sneakers in history that required the SWAT Team to come and disband the unruly mob attempting to procure said shoe.

Christmas wouldn't be complete without a hot new toy for the masses to swoon over, and Black people love nothing more than wearing retro basketball shoes. However, Stuff Black People Don't Like includes not getting Air Jordan XI for Christmas, as not even Santa Clause himself would brave the lines at Foot Locker's throughout the nation to accommodate Black people's Christmas list, no matter how nice they might have been.

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