Thursday, June 10, 2010

2010 South African World Cup = The Ultimate Deus Ex Machina

We know what you are thinking: another post about the 2010 World Cup in South Africa? Come on, get back to the bread and butter of SBPDL!

And we will. However, something struck as incredibly interesting. Recently, a book entitled Africa United was read by the individual behind this website.

The tome purports to tell the story of how soccer explains unity in Africa, despite the increasing disunity that is evident upon that continent. FIFA even believes this will be the year of African dominance in soccer.

Steve Bloomfield wrote the book, but his work leaves the reader overwhelmed with stories that betray the authors enthusiastic title.

Africa is not united. Taller Blacks kill shorter Blacks in Rwanda, the Ivory Coast is a bellicose state waiting to resume internal conflict, and South Africa is a nation prepared for collapse once the eye of the World Cup hurricane passes over the nation.

However, former UN head Kofi Annan and Ivory Coast soccer star Didier Drogba came together to publish an alternative guide to the World Cup entitled Scoring for Africa: An Alternative Guide to the World Cup 2010. In this report, they write:

The innovative guide takes each game on the schedule involving an African team and a non-African team, and pits the two nations against each other in terms of their "vital statistics," including life expectancy, environmental record, GDP and others. (You can download the full guide here.)

For instance, take the scheduled June 12 game between Nigeria and Argentina. The guide shows that Nigeria’s average life expectancy is 48, while Argentina’s is 75, and only a quarter of Nigeria’s population gets secondary education, compared to Argentina’s 79 percent.

Breaking kayfabe again, I encourage everyone to read this report (which you can download for free here). Why, you might wonder, did the earthquake that hit Haiti differ so much then the one that was exponentially worse that hit Chile with marginal devastation?

How come the flood that ravaged Nashville didn't break out into looting, rioting and lawlessness as Hurricane Katrina caused New Orleans residents too?

I promise we will return to satirical posts tomorrow, but before the 2010 World Cup kicks off, one thing had to be stated: this event could be the ultimate Deus ex machina.

We know that South Africa is the personification of a real-life District 9 scenario, but the ENTIRE world is watching the 32-tournament right now (save America). Billions of people are following this tournament with nervous anxiety and are reading every story published from South Africa. Every story.

Recall your first date. Now, remember the anticipation for Christmas and summer vacation that you experienced as a child. Multiply that by one million and you have the emotions of what the entire world is experiencing right now (save Americans).

Now, if you have read this website you are aware $9 billion dollars in insurance has been taken out on this World Cup, which should cause you to understand that FIFA understands the enormous risk of holding the matches in South Africa presents.

With that in mind, you have the ultimate Deus ex machina:
A deus ex machina (pronounced /ˈdeɪ.əs ɛks ˈmɑːkiːnə/ or /ˈdiː.əs ɛks ˈmækɨnə/,[1], DAY-əs eks MAH-kee-nə) (Latin for "god from the machine"; plural: dei ex machina) is a plot device whereby a seemingly inextricable problem is suddenly and abruptly solved with the contrived and unexpected intervention of some new character, ability, or object.
One game changes everything. Remember that. Sports are the reason we live in the world governed by the tenets of Black Run America (BRA). Nothing more, nothing less.

Starting tomorrow, if Crom wills it, a Deus ex machina will see its genesis that no amount of media manipulation can hide.

But a promise from Stuff Black People Don't Like: no more posts on South Africa and the World Cup unless something major warrants it. Tomorrow, it's back to the nuts and bolts of SBPDL.

But, if something occurs that is extraordinary, well, a blog that Google declared war upon told you so.

To paraphrase a movie: is it possible there are no coincidences?

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