Monday, March 14, 2011

"Human Shield": An idea for a revolutionary alien invasion story

This past weekend I finished reading Macrowikinomics by Dan Tapscott and Rework (authors unimportant). I also went to the theater and saw Battle LA. It was the most fun I've had at a movie in a while and I highly recommend this hilarious review of the film to all readers at SBPDL.

If you were part of an alien civilization, where would you attack?
What I learned from Macrowikinomics (a sequel to Wikinomics) is that we live in a age of collaboration, thanks to the glories of technology. What I learned from Battle LA (and all alien invasion films) is that advanced civilizations from other worlds invading our planet is a frightening concept.

In every alien invasion film -- Earth vs. The Flying Saucers, War of the Worlds, Independence Day, Mars Attacks, Signs, etc. -- why is it that technologically advanced aliens travel billions of light years yet engage in such poor military reconnaissance and strategic planning?

This is why Stuff Black People Don't Like would like to announce a revolutionary idea for readers worldwide: the opportunity to engage in the first collaborative work of fiction in Internet history.

We already have a title for the book; Human Shield. In this story aliens decide to use the ultimate weapon against the world's most advanced civilization, incapacitating the United States military without actually engaging them in combat.

The idea is simple: Having mastered interstellar travel, aliens would be prepared for a psy-ops style engagement, utilizing our ultimate weakness to ensure maximum effectiveness in their campaign and minimal casualties for their side.

All they want is resources, and to be burdened with a fight would consume precious time for securing what they came for in the first place. Using white guilt to their advantage, the aliens keep us at a safe distance.

The aliens would have studied our ultimate weakness and realized that attacking Washington D.C., New York, Los Angeles, Denver or Chicago would be unnecessary. After all, they are after resources not in creating jaw-dropping visuals for movie viewers.

That ultimate weakness is of course white guilt. Knowing this fact, aliens invade the continent of Africa where opposition to their colonization for acquisition of resources would be... minimal at best. Instead of engaging the indigenous people of Africa's many nations, the aliens would use them as a human shield knowing that white guilt would keep Western military powers from ever engaging these extraterrestrials with any military force.

Mining the continent for resources, something the indigenous people of that continent failed to do for thousands upon thousands of years, the aliens would find almost no resistance from the African people. Taking many Africans hostage and placing them in large cells around their mining operations would ensure that Western interference for the excavation of minerals would go unimpeded.

No need to attack the United States, the European Union nations or Russia. Invading Africa would give the aliens cover from military intervention by the world's top military powers. Disingenuous White Liberals (DWLs) in America would never, ever allow such a thing to transpire, even if inaction meant the destruction of their civilization.

You can only imagine the howls of protest from actors in Hollywood and musical groups in Europe at the slightest pretense of engaging the aliens.

Though the resources in Africa are finite (and many with unknown applications to us at this stage of our technological evolution, but known to aliens) we will not engage because of the human shield surrounding them as they work.

Like I said, I've never understood why alien invasion films also leave out The Dark Continent. Thus the need for Human Shield.

What do you think? As stated, this is an attempt at mass collaboration on a revolutionary alien invasion idea.

Help us come up with ideas for this story.


OneSTDV said...

That picture of one of my favorites and such a wonderful and simple illustration of HBD.

Sagat said...

I'd like to see the aliens take full control of Africa, but instead of imprisoning the Africans, they institute an intense eugenics and population control program. Then after a hundred years, Africa actually becomes a prosperous and well functioning part of the world to the point that non-Africans actually want to immigrate there. The aliens would then spread to other poor countries, promoting racial egalitarianism by genetically modifying the local populations into great thinkers, free from mental and physical defects. Eventually in the end, all the world would become subject to the alien breeding program until all people are intelligent, creative and tame. And then the disingenuous White liberal would trot out and say, "See, I told you all people were equal."

Dice said...

The Skrulls of Marvel Comics infiltrated governments back in the 70s before getting stupider ideas about infiltrating heroes.

Unknown said...

Wow!!! I love the idea for this. I'm going to put my thinking cap on for this one. I wish I could have come up with this kind of premise.

I think the Chinese (born with immunity to DWL guilt) would be the first to engage the aliens. China is getting overcrowded and having a whole continent as open real estate without blacks is very alluring to them. So they engage the aliens without a care in the world for the human shield, but they want as much of the African resources as possible (make sure to paint the Chinese in as positive light as possible).

Europe and BRA (not having enough of those-who-can-see) begin attacking the Chinese. Europe and BRA are thinking that if they let the aliens take Africa's resources, then they (Europe and BRA) won't be held responsible for African colonialism and would appear blameless in the eyes of the international community, especially if it means they save a huge mass of negroes at the same time. Keep in mind that BRA wants to lead the world in finding a way to defeat the aliens without compromising the human shield and save Africa's resources, but it isn't in the rest of the world's interest for such altruism. It goes without saying portray BRA and multicult Europe as negative as possible.

The rest of the world sees this as a chance to take down BRA and Europe as the world's dominant superpowers and ally themselves with China (set to be the new dominating power). So to recap: China attacks the aliens, BRA and Europe attack China, rest of the world attacks BRA and Europe creating a massive global war. The enemy lets the people of earth kill each other off while they (aliens) extract the resources.

That's the big outline I have. I'll try to think of a way to make it more personal with primary/secondary protagonists and antagonists. I look forward to reading some other ideas.

Anonymous said...

Given the world's response to the crackdown in Libya, the idea of an alien invasion of Africa going unopposed seems quite plausible.

Anonymous said...

You're leaving out a CRITICAL element...

In addition to using black Africans as human shields, the aliens gather up millions more Africans, and transport them to the USA and Europe, thus inflicting more damage than any high-tech weaponry ever could.

As DWL's create new taxpayer-funded entitlement programs to feed, clothe and house the blacks...the blacks are looting and raping everything in sight.

Meanwhile, the aliens are yucking it up, laughing at how this was their easiest conquest ever.

Anonymous said...

The title could use some tweaking. How about "The Borderline Human Shield" or "The Allegedly Human Shield"?

Also, the plot shouldn't require the Africans to be held against their will, i.e. caged or restrained in any fashion. The Aliens would be much smarter than that. The Aliens could simply provide endless quantities of Purple Drank, chicken 'n waffles, and marijuana. The Africans would be utterly powerless to resist their captors if they were provided with a bottomless smorgasbord of those delectable delights. There would be no reason to guard The Shield because The Shield ain't going anywhere! Thus, while the Aliens go about their business of extracting the resources for which they traveled vast distances to obtain, the Africans will actually assist the Aliens by helping to fight off Russian and Chinese advances to seize the continent's priceless resources for themselves . American DWLs will be happy because the Africans are placated and stoned. And the Africans will be happy because they are placated and stoned. Roll credits.

Anonymous said...

What if, and this is a BIG what if. Blacks are considered a delectable, mouth watering culinary treat on the aliens home planet. A kind of intergalactic HIV virus has killed all of the aliens most savory morsels. The aliens offer riches and incredibly advanced technology in exchange for earths darkies.

Bemused stare said...

"Anonymous said...

What if, and this is a BIG what if. Blacks are considered a delectable, mouth watering culinary treat on the aliens home planet."

Okay, now that is stretching it a bit don't you think? Hehe

Anonymous said...

This is why Stuff Black People Don't Like would like to announce a revolutionary idea for readers worldwide: the opportunity to engage in the first collaborative work of fiction in Internet history.

Isn't every white person who comes to this blog already collaborating in the Internet fiction called 'Stuff Black People Don't Like'?

You are one twisted, overly ambitious egomaniac. I'm sure this will end up as some bizarre, sci-fi erotic fiction with enough killing of blacks to leave computer screens nice and sticky.


Marq said...


How presumptious of you and pompous? How about a movie idea of aliens coming to Africa to kill all non blacks and foreigners inhabiting the sort of act as a protective buffer to help Africa grow to its full potential.

Africa doesn't need aid from anyone. It was fine sorting out its own conflicts, civilizations and empires thousand upon thousand of years before greedy land expanding Arabs, white Europeans, and Asians decided to migrate there and proslythesize democracy and their religions.

The best thing for Africa is to be left entirely the fuck alone.

Anonymous said...

"The best thing for Africa is to be left entirely the fuck alone."

So they can continue to live in mud huts, rape, kill and eat each other, starve and make absolutely no progress as they have done for countless thousands of years?

Anonymous said...

How tongue in cheek was this post?

The aliens could also bribe the Africans and send them over to Europe and Northern America as mercenaries to conquer those lands, giving the aliens more resources to mine.

There's already a book like this "The Camp of the Saints" by Jean Raspail.

We learn in this book that DWLs would never fire on Blacks, and they would sooner fire on their own people trying to defend their own lands. Which is why the Aliens could use the Africans as mercenaries.

The Aliens would at least get a fight from the Chinese and the Russians, though. So not all of Europe would be freely open for mining, just Western Europe.

Anonymous said...

"the aliens gather up millions more Africans, and transport them to the USA and Europe, thus inflicting more damage than any high-tech weaponry ever could."

Wait...didn't this already happen?

Anonymous said...

The best thing for Africa IS to be left entirely the fuck alone.

If someone did to Africa to your countries, you would want to wipe them out. At the same time, look at all the racist comments. Blacks are supposedly the most racist.....