Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Easter, Wal-Mart and a Black Brawl for Candy in Salisbury

Wal-Mart. We at SBPDL find the number one company on Fortune's list of top corporations to be the ultimate barometer of life in 21st century America.

If you want to see what the real status of the United State's is and how your fellow countrymen wallow in the muck of avarice and cheap goods, journey to your local Wal-Mart and admire the people. However, be careful to avoid commandeering the Public Address (PA) system. If you decide to take on this usurp the authority granted to Wal-Mart employees and address your fellow patrons, you might find yourself the unwitting subject of national news coverage.

But, if you find yourself in Salisbury, North Carolina, you're advised to steer clear of the Wal-Mart entirely, lest you desire party to potentially being maimed over discounted candy:

Police aren't sure whether Walmart's prices were so good or if there was a shortage of chocolate rabbits.

Whatever the reason, seven women ended up in a brawl in the Easter basket aisle Saturday evening.

Candy eggs, rabbits and Peeps flew through the air in an unlikely Easter exchange.

Property damage, primarily to candy and Easter decorations, totalled nearly $800.

Salisbury Police responded to the Walmart at 323 Arlington St. around 7 p.m. Saturday.

The five officers separated the women into two groups — with each claiming the other group started the fight.

Unable to figure out who initiated the brawl, officers decided to charge all of those involved in the incident with public affray.

Those charged, whose ages range from 17 to 24, are Carolyn Elizabeth Chawlk, Carmeisha Shannell Mitchell, Samise Tyshon Mitchell, Kim Rochelle Williams Mashore, Latikgwa Nikia Williams, Tameika Shareece Drye and Tiffany Elaine Chambers.
Now, those behind the algorithms and the analysis of buyer patterns that determine the low prices that Wal-Mart offers (such goods as Black dolls come to mind) aren't to be blamed for the candy aisle brawl that erupted in Salisbury.

The unmistakable Black names that color this story with hilarity and their desire to procure discounted candy are merely a coincidence, when compared to the riot by Black people that took the life of a Wal-Mart employee over the 2008 Black Friday.

Discounted candy from a reputable store such as Wal-Mart puts the reliability of freshness at an exponentially higher rate than the candy that can be obtained from the ever-present Dollar General or Dollar Store that find refuge in abandoned strip malls littering the landscapes of small towns.

No, it is of absolutely no coincidence that Black people decided to engage in a battle royal for the remaining sweet treats that were being sold for steep discounts.

We at Stuff Black People Don't Like have to ask: As the Royal Rumble for economically priced Easter candy waged in the makeshift ring of the Salisbury Wal-Mart by incensed Black patrons hoping to secure belated holiday sugar, did anyone have the temerity to request all Black people to leave the store?

More importantly, were the victors of the brawl-for-all the Cadbury in Salisbury forced to endure the insult of waiting at the back of line before the transaction for the hard fought candy was made?


Anonymous said...

"Latikgwa" lmfao. For some reason that reminds me of the signature "Le Tigre" look that Ben Stiller used as a male model in the movie Zoolander. You almost have to admire blacks abilty to give their offspring ridiculous monikers.

Phalluster said...

the first pick of the treats should go to the 24 year old, who surely has a full litter of welfare pups at home. the 17 year old has likely only lived long enough to crank out one child that has already graduated to a diet of candy. to each, according to her needs... just like the rest of BRA.

Anonymous said...

So we have figured out that blacks cannot govern, they can't name their kids properly, and they also love candy from walmart.

Also, if a music source is near, they will turn it up and rap like wild animals. Not caring how loud or obnoxious they are.

Am I the only one who wanted to pound the faces of this in the rapping video?


Anonymous said...

I always found it a bit hard to believe but after seeing the name "Latikgwa" I totally believe it now. The story went that this black girl had twin boys and she named one, Lemahnghello and the other Orahnghello. Let me break that down for you. Lemon Jello and Orange Jello. Folks used to say the chineese named their kids by throwing silverware down the steps. Actually all you need to do is open up the cupboard door.

Stuff Black People Don't Like said...

Both of those videos depict stories from the same Salisbury Wal-Mart that played host to the Easter Candy Brawl between Black people affectionately named Latikgwa, Carmeisha, Tamieka and Samise.

You know that somewhere in the archives of Wal-Mart's security footage the record of this brawl exists.

If anyone knows a family member or acquaintance in the Salisbury area, please try and see if they have a friend who works at Wal-Mart.

I would personally love to see this footage. The brawl for Easter candy (leftover, mind you) seems like a story better suited for The Onion.


When an undergrad, I used to enjoy perusing the candy aisle for candy at the local Wal-Mart, amid the furious battle for the best $5 DVD I could find.

To this day the best purchase I have ever made came from the discounted DVD rack at Wal-Mart.

Anonymous said...

Blacks are stupid, but there is no way those names can be real. We equal - rrrriiiiight

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:13

What you never went to school with girls form the hood named: Aquanetta, Placenta and Femalee? That be racist

Anonymous said...

You might try this website. I'm sure there are a few Latikgwa, Carmeisha, Tamieka and Samise on there.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if this is what Rome was like before the Huns invaded?

Stuff Black People Don't Like said...


I did a post on that website. It is funny. However, they don't report crime or other misdeeds at the store, only they post the grotesquely humorous outfits that proles don to traverse the bountiful Wal-Mart near their dwelling.
Black names defy logic, belief and nearly enhance the comedic value of criminality that they unfortunately have a propensity for engaging in, especially over Wal-Mart’s discounted Easter candy.
Thanks for the good link! Hope you enjoy the site!

Stuff Black People Don't Like said...

Last anon,

The United States is long past any comparison to Rome. Like the commercial, we have fallen and can't get up.

Anonymous said...


I didn't know wild animals could rap! I can't believe you are able to teach us something new EVERY. DAY. Wow! You with that guy in the video rapping would be a fight I'd *pay* to see...


Well, where I live in Vegas, the main people messing up my local Wal-Mart is the white trash, so there you go.

"Black names defy logic, belief and nearly enhance the comedic value of criminality that they unfortunately have a propensity for engaging in, especially over Wal-Mart’s discounted Easter candy."

Um, white people have a knack for giving their kids stupid ass names, too, like 'Cody', 'Brody', 'Gage', 'Toby', last names for first names, etc. just random stupid shit; some white actress named her son 'Pilot Inspektor'. At least black people can be creative; I'd rather be a 'Keisha' over another 'Stephanie'. As a kid, the white male substitutes we had in class would spend 10 minutes taking roll. LOL...good times!

As for 'propensity for criminality'--'Ritz', please! SMH...the idiocy never ends, does it? Please stop the charade: whites are lawbreakers, too...

Anonymous said...


"I didn't know wild animals could rap! I can't believe you are able to teach us something new EVERY. DAY. Wow! You with that guy in the video rapping would be a fight I'd *pay* to see..."

Absolutely, animals can make all sorts of wild noises, and cause people to become very annoyed. I am glad I am teaching you something tho. I hope you learn from me, unlike your common black person.

And considering I am much bigger than that little zulu warrior rapping away, I would enjoy beating his ass also. Sometimes wild animals need a spanking to teach them. Altho, He likely would, like most blacks, probably either pull a gun out, gather a group of hoods with him, or run. Blacks don't fight fair, especially when they think they might lose.


Phalluster said...

as a kid, the white male substitutes spent ten minutes taking roll rather than teaching us about space or computers... that shit was raciss!!!!

Stuff Black People Don't Like said...


You live in Vegas? Interesting town. Was there a few times in the past six months.

Anyways, I'd take the names 'Cody' or 'Brody" over Latikgwa anyday of the week. Latikgwa is creative, or so is Keisha, if you consider the drawings of a six-year-old works of art.

I would have loved to hear the roll call in your class, though.

And yes, white people do commit crimes, but Black people commit crimes at a rate far greater than their percentage of population would generally imply.

Anonymous said...


By bigger, do you mean McDonald's-engorged, fat ass, white trash? LOL...that wasn't nice. Sorry for that, really...


Vegas is interesting. Yep, it is a LIE, smoke and mirrors!

Anyway, roll call was fun. Tongue-tied, ignorant whites make for delicious comedy, especially when they are old. Then it's a riot. As I said above, white people tend to name their kids disproportionately stupider names than black people do. I just think that is a matter of personal preference. Your logic would think that any ethnic name would be ridiculous, whereas mine would poo-poo any bland, conformist one. The main reason whites hate black names is really because whites hate for PoC to not assimilate. 'Desiree' is better than, say, 'Kerishea' (pronounced kuh-ree-shuh). Y'all also frustrate easily when things aren't black and white...

CWN said...


Silly Desiree, you can do better then that. Blacks have a larger problem with their unhealthy eating habbits than whites do.

Blacks love them some mickey D's. They be loving it, didn't you know that?

No, I am bigger because I am taller, and more broad chested, bigger arms, probably a bigger weiner, bigger brain, bigger balls. That sorta thing.

Tongue tied ignorant whites? Like shakespeare? Or all the other great white poets of the world? Or maybe you meant tongue tied as in coming up with the english language? Nah, you didn't mean that. I think you just simply confused ebonics and rapping about "muh dick", and thought you were talking about whites. Blacks get confused easily. I understand.

Oh, by the way boo. Desiree is a white name. Comes from french and english. That must suck, having a stupid white name. And not having some made up "african american" name. What will you do now? Having to live with a poo poo bland, conformist white name? But, thank you for assimilating with your white name all the same.