Friday, August 26, 2011

#68. All-White Sounding Hurricane Names

Why can't Hurricane Irene have a Black-sounding name?
"The Blacks" are an incredibly prideful people, possessing the highest self-esteem of any race on the planet despite professing a complete lack of any historical examples of actual achievement, innovation, or ingenuity to substantiate such racial self-worth.

Any and all achievements that "the Blacks" have to their credit in America is due to  pressure exerted by Disingenuous White Liberals (DWLs) to universally lowering standards in every industry (public or private) to ensure some level of Black representation and promotion.

Because the United States of America has been replaced with Black-Run America (BRA), eventually every demand by Black people to rectify past and present - real or fictional - injustices that they tragically had to endure will be recompensed.

It is only natural that one of the gravest examples of prejudice left in America will soon be remedied: the first hurricane to be named with a Black-sounding first name.

The bigotry and injustice of naming hurricanes with boring, lily-white sounding names must end; this form of oppression has kept Black people out of pursuing careers in any maritime industry and has convinced Black people that oceans and any body of water are inherently racist.

How dare hurricanes continue to be steeped in ethno-centrism and the cultural imperialism of white-sounding names when so many Black names are deserving of that honor. Perhaps because meteorology is an industry that has been historically ravaged by racism:

While not ubiquitous, a number of avenues exist for students seeking to pursue meteorology careers. Among the nation's Historically Black Colleges and Universities, Jackson State is the only one to offer a bachelor's degree program in meteorology. Williams said Jackson State's program graduates about 1 in 4 African-American meteorologists in the nation.

About 50 percent of Jackson State meteorologists graduates since 2002 have gone to graduate school, while about 25 percent go on to start careers in broadcasting as television and radio weather forecasters and another 20 percent go to work for government agencies, such as the National Weather Service, part of the National Oceanographic Atmospheric Administration.

Job opportunities in meteorology are expected to be better in private industry than in the federal government in the future, while opportunities in broadcasting are highly competitive, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics in the U.S. Department of Labor.
 The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has few Black employees worthy of commending, but never fails to promote them above all other lily-white staffers. One day, the injustice of ethnic chauvinism will end and a Black-sounding name (DeAndre, LaMarcus, Quindaras, LaToya, Demarcus, Phonecia, LaTisha, etc.) will be picked and official the hegemony of white-sounding names will end.

Until then, we can thank another member of Organized Blackness - Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee - for fighting the good fight:
Do devastating hurricanes need help from affirmative action? 

A member of Congress apparently thinks so, and is demanding the storms be given names that sound "black."
The congressional newspaper the Hill reported this week that Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Texas, feels that the current names are too "lily white," and is seeking to have better representation for names reflecting African-Americans and other ethnic groups. 

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Texas
"All racial groups should be represented," Lee said, according to the Hill. She hoped federal weather officials "would try to be inclusive of African-American names."
A sampling of popular names that could be used include Keisha, Jamal and Deshawn, according to the paper.

Radio talk-show giant Rush Limbaugh says he was having dinner with his wife when he first learned of the proposal. 

"I just threw up my hands. I said, 'Has it come to this now?'" Limbaugh recounted on his show.
"There's discrimination and actually elected officials wandering around worried about the discrimination in the name of hurricanes. And hurricanes are destructive. You know nobody's very excited when a hurricane's heading their way, and yet here she is demanding that hurricanes be named after black people. 

"You know it used to be that hurricanes were named only after women because they were destructive and unpredictable. And that's the reason. The feminists grew upset about that, demanded that hurricanes be named after men, and so now, the civil rights leaders are demanding black names for hurricanes. 

Limbaugh continued his analysis, saying it was not the mainstream populace responsible for what he called the "Balkanization" of race relations in America. 

"It is these elected black leaders, the civil-rights coalitions – they're the ones that keep causing all this racial divide, they're the ones that keep calling attention to all this," said Limbaugh. "They're the ones that keep stirring this pot. They're the ones who don't want there to be any colorblind society. They're the ones who keep being agitated and trying to agitate others over all this, and now it's descended into the meaningless element of the names of hurricanes." 

According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, hurricanes were for centuries named after the Catholic saints' days on which the storms fell. 

In 1953, the United States abandoned as confusing a two-year-old plan to name storms by a phonetic alphabet (Able, Baker, Charlie) when a new, international phonetic alphabet was introduced. That year, weather services began using female names for storms.
The crusade for a Black-sounding hurricane is not over, as we learned that Spanish and French names were added back in 2003, but Black-names were left out:

After Spanish and French names for hurricanes — such as Juan and Claudette — were added in 2003, U.S. Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Houston, said hurricane names should be more representative of the cultures they impact, including blacks:

Some black lawmakers don’t seem to mind, but Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas) does. “All racial groups should be represented,” said Lee.
The World Meteorological Organization began naming tropical storms after women in 1953. That made sense to scientists at the time who thought women and storms were both unpredictable. After feminist groups protested, men’s names were added in 1979.
The National Weather Service says hurricane names are derived from languages spoken in areas that border the Atlantic Ocean, where such storms occur. Yet that doesn’t explain why Gaston, Ernesto and Cindy were chosen and Antwon, Destiny and Latonya were passed over.
Lee said she hoped in the future the weather establishment “would try to be inclusive of African American names.”
Lee’s call for action may have been heard by the World Meteorological Organization, which selects hurricane names for the Atlantic basin. Because of their destruction, hurricane officials have retired the storm names Dennis, Katrina, Rita, Stan and Wilma. The replacements are: Don, Katia, Rina, Sean and Whitney.

Here are the top 20 sounding Black girl and Black boy names:

20 "Blackest" Girl Names


20 "Blackest" Boy Names

 The NOAA could pick from that list and have the perfect Black-sounding hurricane. What is the reason for this continued neglect and unprecedented level of racism? Perhaps the reason is something... sinister.

Consider the property damage down by your average hurricane or during a hurricane season. The loss of life, bad as it is, is never that substantial. Flooding, downed-trees, limited to major property damage for both residential and commercial buildings, and a lot of rain. Cities can recover from a hurricane, with communities coming together to help one another out in times of rebuilding and distress. People who fled the hurricane's path will return and, in time, tourism will come back and any business that shuttered will re-open.

However, cities cannot survive the Black Undertow. Atlanta, Birmingham, Memphis, Mobile, Montgomery, Birmingham, Baltimore, Newark, Detroit, Oakland, and any other city or county that goes from majority white to majority Black will never recover economically.

Worse, a hurricane brings one-time property damage; the Black Undertow participates in criminal activity that results in property damage all year around, driving down property value and forcing the closures of malls, big box chains, restaurants and other places of business that the fictional concept of Black-purchasing power can no longer maintain.

The rules governing the invisible hand of economics are immutable, and though a hurricane might momentarily interrupt a local economy via forced evacuation, water and property damage, cities can recover from the hardship faced from nature.

Local economies can not survive climate change or man-made climate change through the introduction and eventually usurpation of the city or county by the Black Undertow. The iron law of the invisible hand is immutable; bad money drives out good money.

The initial devastation of a hurricane might seem severe and insurmountable, impacting lives and uprooting businesses, but cities and towns can preserve and recover economically. A city or county overwhelmed by the Black Undertow will not recover, as the problems will aggregate over time until property has been devalued, homes abandoned, streets and  neighborhoods are no longer safe to walk down, and businesses are boarded up - not because of the impending arrival of a hurricane and inclement weather - because the     
white flight left a force with more long-term devastating abilities then a hurricane could imagine to do, in charge.

Hurricane Demarcus already hit Birmingham and Montgomery; Hurricane Latoya already slammed into Baltimore and Detroit; why should a Black-sounding hurricane slam into the Gulf Coast or Florida Keys?

Can't white-sounding names monopolize the destruction for once? Perhaps it's a good thing Black-sounding names are still in the back of the bus when it comes to hurricanes.

Stuff Black People Don't Like includes all-white sounding hurricane names, because Black people's narcissism knows no bounds. 


Paul's Biggest Fan said...

For the record, the 2011 hurricane names include:
Arlene, Franklin, Harvey, Isaac, Ophelia, Sean, and Whitney. Aren't those classic "black sounding" names,too?

Only one of the 2001 top baby names (boy or girl) is on the list: Emily. Popular white names ain't on the list. It's not our fault that "black sounding" names aren't on the list. BRA means "Change the black naming convention as if you're trying to make a word in Scrabble." My guess it has something to do with cranking out offspring at their rate burned up names, much like how cell phones burned up area codes.

Meet them halfway - keep the hurricane names, and when the lights go out in New York, give the riots "black sounding" names. That way, you can blame white girl "Irene" for the bad actions of "DeShawn." It'll work for the blameless blacks - I guarantee it.

Hurricane names -
Baby names -

Anonymous said...

Hurricane Tupac, Yo! Leaves a trail of blood and destruction wherever he goes!

Anonymous said...

Please advise the NOAA to include titles such as Dr. or Esquire when using black names for hurricanes.

For example, Dr. Hurricane DeAndre or Hurricane Jazmine, Esquire. These simple changes will inculcate oppressed black hurricanes with the courage to shoot for the moon and really achieve something.

Hell, maybe one day we'll even have a President Hurricane Demetrius.

Anonymous said...

I can see it now - Hurricane Diptheria
I can see it now - Hurricane Typhoyd
I can see it now - Hurricane Clamydia
I can see it now - Hurricane Luekemia

get the idea.

Anonymous said...

They forgot those classic black she-male names:
Aquanetta and Placenta
For boys:
Lemonjello or LeMonjelo

I can hear the jokes now:
Shaniqua's been blowing the hood for years. Hell Shaniqua Jackson has been blowing her way up capitol hill for years

Anonymous said...

We should name all hurricanes that occur in the month of February after the negro population.


Lee said...

Representative Jackson Lee has too much time on her hands.

Anonymous said...

How about using the street moniker? Big T... Little Will? Big Head? DJ?
What about the Indians? Running Deer...Billy Bear Boy...Jimmy Coca Puff? Just sayin.

Anonymous said...

Sheboon Jackson really is a pathetic subhuman idiot!

Discard said...

Uh, hey, you, stupid Black Congresswoman! Haven't you got something better to do? Don't your people have more important concerns?

Anonymous said...

Niggers are like a hurricane, a nuclear bomb and the plague all rolled into one.

Ryu said...

The equality people really are insane. Hurrican names are eurocentric. I like Hurricane Obama, Hurricane OJ, Hurricane MLK.

YIH said...

Aw snap! You just had to include that Scorpions song didn't you? I live in FL and radio stations (of any format) play the hell out that song this time of year.
BTW, a little breezy, a bit of rain, hardly OMG!!! BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES!!!
Unlike the media here where I keep hoping the TV 'tard in the raincoat actually gets clocked by a piece of flying debris.

MrGJG said...

I'm all for naming all future hurricanes with black sounding names. It seems apt anyway. Of course Ms. Lee would than get on her soapbox and complain the HNO (hurricane naming organization) be rayciss.

Bemused stare said...

Some may disagree, but I think all natural disasters ought to be named after blacks.

~AV~ said...

I have a name to offer as the most destructive black hurricane EVAH!

Hurricane Obama...

has been blowing across America as a Cat 5 for the last 3 years and has caused huge economic loss and damage...

YIH said...

You can't make this stuff up: KFC goes to Kenya; first U.S. fast-food chain in E. Africa.
Coincidence? I think not.

YIH said...

To quote (ugh) USA Today: KFC goes to Kenya; first U.S. fast-food chain in E. Africa.
Sterotypes? Yes, Diarreha, I've heard of them.

Van said...

I assume we'll be lowering the standards for these black hurricanes.

For example, while a white storm must have sustained winds of 74 mph to move from tropical storm to hurricane status, a black hurricane must only achieve winds of 60 mph. Gotta make up for all those years of discriminating against black hurricanes. This will be applied to all categories, of course. So while a white hurricane must achieve winds of 156 mph to be classed as a category 5, a black hurricane will only need winds of 131 (the category 4 minimum for a white hurricane).

This will make up not only for historic discrimination against black hurricanes, but also for any discrimination an individual black storm may have experienced while it was a tropical depression.

We'll never actually see a true category 5 black hurricane, and Bill Gates will devote significant money trying to discover the "Black Hurricane Andrew."

Black hurricanes will generally be less organized, will make landfall much later than predicted, and will somehow manage to cause significantly more damage (for example, while only 12% of all hurricanes will be black, over 50% of all hurricane damage will come from them). Pointing this out will, of course, be racist.

Of course, prior to assistance from white hurricanes, black storms never even got past the tropical depression stage on their own. Noticing this is racist.

It should also be noted that while nor'easters never enslaved black hurricanes, they are just as racist. They're just more subtle about it.

It really doesn't matter, because typhoons are going to take over everything soon anyway.

Anonymous said...

hurricane lo'queesha comin' fo' yo ass mu'fuckaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hurricane Latrine...don't laugh, a black woman was about to name her daughter. True story.

Anonymous said...

It's me or those names are just a retarded version of white names?

Anonymous said...

A lot of these black names seem to be mangled French. Is that the N'awlins influence or something? They don't now how to do proper French spelling, so Antoine becomes Antwan. I think a lot of those LaQuisha type names are a result of Ebonically mangled Cajun French as well. With that in mind, and also the knowledge that hurricanes bring great opportunities for gibs me dats such as flatscreens and tubs of heiniken bottles, I offer this as my Black named hurricane- Hurricane LeBontomps Rulay.

Van said...

It really would be awesome if they named one Hurricane Sheila Jackson Lee. Especially if it hit Texas.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous at 9:45 AM,

"Hurricane Latrine...don't laugh, a black woman was about to name her daughter. True story"

Another true story.

I worked with a black woman who prounced her name "she-they-ed", but she spelled it SHITHEAD.

MrGJG said...

I second Baldowl.
Especially this part:

"Black hurricanes will generally be less organized, will make landfall much later than predicted, and will somehow manage to cause significantly more damage (for example, while only 12% of all hurricanes will be black, over 50% of all hurricane damage will come from them). Pointing this out will, of course, be racist."

Comedy gold!

Al Roker said...

Hurricane Shaniqua gon' fuck yo sheeeit up, sho nuff!

Van said...

Since black hurricanes have lower average wind speeds than white hurricanes, all measurements of wind speed will be determined to be culturally biased.

The fact that the percentage of storms who never graduate from tropical storm to hurricane status is much higher for black storms than white storms is evidence of institutional racism. Massive amounts of National Weather Service resources will be spent closing the achievement gap.

Paul's Biggest Fan said...

There's no disputing the raw genius of Van in this thread. Bravo.

Anonymous said...

Sister-in-law works in a maternity ward. Names she has heard blacks give their offspring include: Chandelier, Syphillis, Vagina, Mercedes Benz, Rolls Royce, and (drum roll please!) Majesty!

Anonymous said...

Van! Simply brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Instead of hurri-CANES, they'll now be hurri-COONS!

Anonymous said...

I'll take it a step further for the racist Miss Lee. Lets give all the hurricanes black names. Its fitting because of the destructive nature of these storms.

Anonymous said...

Un-effing-believable. So this is what America's Negro politicians are concerned about? Might I suggest more pressing issues that keep blacks on the bottom rung, such as sky-high illegitimacy and illiterary rates?

HocusPokusFishBonesChokeUs said...

Why not just name flash mob attacks after black names? "In Philly this past weekend, flash mob Penishiqua was responsible for the beating of a white handicapped teenager...." Or "Chicago was the location for flash mob attack Clitavious which left an ederly man severely beaten." The media could be happy in knowing that they didn't say the attackers were black outight but could still clue the public in via the eboniphonic style names. Win/Win for everybody.

Anonymous said...

I fucking love you

Maid Marian said...

Don't forget to randomly place apostrophes in some of the names.

a couple of years ago I saw a birth announcement for what must have been a black baby- The kid had 6 names, 1 of which was a last name. The 5 names were all gibberish, which I do not remember, but I do recall the initials spelled out: I.N.S.A.N.E.